


old money

by softdecay



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anal Sex, Ballroom Dancing, Cheating, Cinderella Elements, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Some angst, Songfic, Wealth, lana del rey - Freeform, lots of smut, new money, old money, rich au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-05-07 17:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14676143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softdecay/pseuds/softdecay
Summary: I wrote this when I barely started writing serious fic so excuse any mistakes lol





	1. givenchy

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I barely started writing serious fic so excuse any mistakes lol

I reached for the elegant mask sitting on my bed. I tightened the Givenchy tie around my neck like I was tying a noose. I really didn't want to go to this masquerade ball but my parents are making me go to find any "potential brides". You'd think that turning 24 today would grant me more freedom but my parents controlled my every move.

I moved aside the panties of a fling from last night. I wasn't interested and she wasn't very good if I did say so myself. I knew the woman I slept with was after the money but I only slept with them to please my parents. I batted for the other team if you know what I mean. My parents weren't particularly homophobic, but it was much easier on my parents to pretend I was straight. Many of my social class frowned upon those different from them and being gay was certainly different around here.

I heard the ballroom slowly filling up downstairs. The butterflies in my stomach grew with the thought that I'll have to meet and talk to drunk people all night long. I didn't do well in crowds either but did my mother care? No. All I wanted for my birthday was a small gathering of family and friends, not a spouse search.

I lay down on my bed thinking about what was ahead of me, the noises growing louder until a knock on my door woke me. "Sir, it's time for you to come down already," George, my butler, said from outside my door. The butterflies were violent now, thrashing around in my stomach.

Reluctantly I put on the black and gold mask sitting at the foot of my bed. The mask was pointless for me to use though, everybody knows who I am by my attire anyways. I was wearing a black and gold suit that you'd think would look tacky but my mother had the best tailors and designers make it so it worked out very well.

The doors of my bedroom opened and my personal butler said,"Sir it really is time to go, come on now." I followed him with heavy steps but I held my chin a little higher and my posture a bit straighter. I could see the crowd from way up here and the ballroom was packed.  _Deep breaths Dan, it's fine. You don't give a shit about these people anyway._

"Ladies and gentleman, today is a very special day for the Howells as their son is turning 24 today." Deep breaths Dan, deep breaths. Everything is going to be okay. The announcer kept on babbling and I was peeking behind the marble pillars at the top of the staircase.

Oh my god, there's so many people. And out there is my expected future "wife". I rolled my eyes at the thought.  _Yeah sure, "a wife."_

_"_ A round of applause for Mr. Daniel Howell!" I heard.

Oh my god, that's me. The first step I took was uneasy but I soon was gliding down the stairs with one hand running down the smooth railing. Everyone's head turned to look at me expectantly, applause ringing throughout the room. My hands were getting sweaty and my breathing hitched. All of the woman's eyes were on me, greedy for my money or for their daughter to be with me. Of course, I couldn't see their faces and neither could they see mine. It was making me feel a bit self-conscious but I smirked down at them, knowing that they'll never have a chance with me.

Too busy preoccupied with thinking about what the night holds for me, I didn't notice that I had come at the bottom of the stairs and my foot took an extra step causing me to trip face first into the chest a very busty woman. George pulled me back cautiously. My face flushed and I thanked God that no one could see it at that moment. The woman certainly didn't seem to mind though as she winked quite suggestively at me. Her friends all giggled and squealed looking bashful at me. I quickly composed myself and gave my most charming smile at the crowd.

I made my way to the table with my parents and took my seat like nothing happened. My parents glared at me red faced. I mean I can't blame them, I just made myself look like an idiot. It didn't faze me though.

"Dan Howell, everyone!" the booming voice announced and everybody applauded once more and took a seat. Waiters streamed out of the kitchen with enormous shiny platters of food, making me and everyone else salivate. The room soon filled up with the chatter of politics and gossip. It wouldn't take long for everyone to get drunk out of their minds but not my parents. Right now they were looking at me, expectant of an apology.

"What was that back there? That was an embarrassment!" my mother cried out loud enough that the women seated at the table next to us turned their heads in curiosity.

"Please, I just tripped. It's not like the girl minded either," I smirked, "keep it down, would you. You'll attract unwanted attention."

"That's no way to talk to your mother!" she said infuriated which only made me laugh.

The sound of a throat clearing interrupted our little bant. It was a woman clearly in her 40's standing somewhat stuck up, clinging her daughter to her side.

"Mr. Howell, it's such a pleasure to be here. I just wanted to introduce you to my daughter here, Louise," she said a little bit too excited. The girl looked my age too, her hair was blonde almost yellow and she had crystal blue eyes. I couldn't see most of her face but her mask was a pastel pink color with white feathers. She was a bit on the thicker side but there was no denying she was beautiful. Too bad I didn't like girls because I would've surely like to know her more.

The mother pushed Louise forward, I'm guessing to introduce herself. She obviously wasn't interested in me though as she rolled her eyes when her mother did this. I decided I liked her.

"Mr. Howell, pleased to meet you, sir," she gritted her teeth but she extended a hand.

I shook it back with force and gave her a genuine smile. I didn't want to her to feel weird around me just because she was obviously forced to meet me. "Nice to meet you, um, Louise? It's a pleasure." Her shoulders noticeably fell in relief and she gave me a toothy grin.

"Well, time to part for now. Wouldn't want to waste any more of your time," her mother interrupted, "pleasure meeting you but we must get going. The food is already being served."

Tonight sure was going to be interesting.


	2. three shades of blue

 

"More champagne, sir?"

 

I covered the top of my glass with my hand, "No, thank you."

 

I really didn't want to get drunk-being tipsy was enough. Everybody was already drunk out of their minds, the smell of wine, whiskey, and cigar smoke mixed together to make a sickly combination. The small lights of cigars being lit in every man's hand. The overbearing laughter of old woman gossiping about who's pregnant and who's being a "whore". I closed my eyes and imagined I was far, far away from here but there was only so much I could stand.

 

The chair scraped loudly as I stood up and practically ran out of there. "Dan! Where are you going," my mother looked around nervously to see who had heard her outburst. No one even took notice of me, everyone was wrapped up in their own little world. I ignored her and kept on going, exiting through the doors by the kitchen. The staff stared at me curiously but I looked ahead. I burst through through the door, longing for fresh air. I bumped head first into a young man.

 

"Sorry! I didn't see you there," I said quickly, wanting to get away. I was already walking when the strangers deep chuckling caught my attention. Cautiously, I looked over my shoulder to get a closer look them. He was wearing an expensive suit, I knew because I had the same one myself. His mask was blue but a royal, deep blue with gold embellishments and it had a single luxurious feather at the left corner. But his eyes. Oh fuck, his eyes. They were  three different shades of blue all on one; the kind you'd take a dip in and daydream about.

 

Eye contact was brief, very brief, as I was still aching to get away but sure as hell was electric. I saddened at the thought that I'd probably never see him again but I kept moving down the brick walkway. The night sounds were very loud, crickets were chirping and leaves rustled in rhythm with them. It was a starry night, the balls of light shone strongly and proudly and I was just happy that I was out of the noisy ballroom. The moonlight was strong but it looked muted. It was like someone had put a filter over my eyes and everything looks blue and dimmed down.

 

"Mr. Howell! Where have you been? Everyone's been looking for you!" George yelled as he rounded the corner. I rolled my eyes, he seemed more like my babysitter than a butler at times.

 

"It hasn't even been ten minutes!" I shouted exasperatedly. "You're right, it's been five. Move along now, it's time for your father to make a toast," he said turning his back and looking over his shoulder expectantly.

 

I trudged the whole way, kicking up dust and rocks, angry I couldn't even have ten minutes to myself but duty calls.

 

It was even stuffier inside than it was before. High pitched laughter and endless chattering resonated from all corners of the room. The string ensemble that my father had hired was setting up in front of the ballroom meaning that it was close to what I dreaded most, dancing. My mother expected me to atleast try and dance with the women if I thought they were "appropriate" for me. I rolled my eyes. What bullshit.

 

I reached my parents table and they gave me even deadlier glares. When it comes to our reputation, they turn into cold hearted machines.

 

"Dan, it wasn't appropriate for you to have gone in the middle of   your party,"  I could tell my mother was trying to keep her voice level, "it's time for your father to toast so the dancing can start."

 

"Yes, mother," I said nonchalantly, acting like I actually cared.

 

Father stood up and cleared his throat loudly. It might've been a big room but his voice was one you had no choice but to listen. He raised his wine glass and lightly tapped it to grab everyone's attention. "Hope you all had a lovely meal but I'd like to make a toast to the man of the night, my son Daniel James. I hope this year is a successful one and for many others to come," he said with a hint of pride in his voice.

 

I stood up smoothly, having been prepared for moments like these, I didn't even sweat it. I clinked my father's glass with mine and everybody else in the room did the same. "Well, now that that's over with, it's time for the real fun," he spoke up again but more loud and cheery. The room erupted in agreement and laughter.

 

The strings had tuned beforehand and they started playing a lively tune in which couples, friends, everyone got up to dance to. I felt my mother's touch on my shoulder, light but expectant. "There's a lot of nice young ladies out there waiting for you to ask them to dance," she arched an eyebrow at me.

 

I definitely didn't want to dance with people who would only just babble in my ear all night trying to impress me. But I had to.

 

"Okay, mother, anything for you," I sighed in exasperation I spotted  a girl sitting by herself at a lonely table, it seemed everybody else had left her to go dance. I walked towards her confidently not trying to scare her off. She spotted me though and started touching her hair and fiddling with her hands.

 

"Would like to dance?" I offered her a hand and gave her my most inviting smile. She smiled back and I could tell she was a bit relieved.

 

I danced and danced with countless girls after her and the whole time my mother's eyes were on me. I didn't know what she expected. I was just about ready to pull my hair by the follicles each time I asked someone to dance. My feet were sore from being stepped on and I was exhausted.

 

The whole time, I was looking for something, I wasn't sure what it was but I scanned the room every chance I got. I've finally had enough of it and took a seat at my table, watching everyone else drunkenly dance the night away. I already spotted a cluster of girls point my way and giggling. I sighed and called George over to pour me a glass of wine-I was going to need it.

 

Something caught the corner of my eye though, it was a mask, a familiar mask. A blue one with gold embellishments. And it was making its way towards me. I desperately tried to remember where I had seen that mask. I looked through the side of my eye and froze when I saw his clear blue eyes. It was the guy I had seen outside. For some reason, I felt giddy to see him again. I desperately tried to seem casual now but it wasn't working.

 

"Hello," the stranger said, smirking down at me. I gave him a little hand wave as I didn't want to look eager. He stood there looking down at with those deep pools for eyes.

 

"How about we get out of here?"


	3. “it’s phil”

"How about we get out of here?" 

 

My eyes widened as big as saucers. I was so taken back by his words that I almost spat out my wine. "Excuse me?" I asked with a confused smile on my face, what he said still not processing through my head.

 

He approached me, equally as confident as before, "I said, how about we get out of here?" He was now standing right in front of me, nodding his head towards the door. 

 

"Don't you have a girlfriend or something?" I asked. I didn't mean to come off as cold but surely a man as attractive as him didn't come here alone and certainly wouldn't be leaving here alone either.

 

"She's drunk out her mind right now, besides she's with her friends. She didn't even notice when I left. What does it matter, anyway?" he said with a tone of annoyance.

 

"In that case, let's go," I smiled up at him.

 

He smirked back and led the way out. People didn't take much notice of us but there was some that definitely did, as they immediately turned to each other whispering feverishly. I didn't really care at this point but there was one person I didn't want seeing me. I looked over my shoulder at my mother and I could see her eyes were already on me, calculating and icy. For a second there, I felt bad for not doing what she told me but snapped out of it once we reached the door. Maybe it was the alcohol but I wasn't a kid anymore, I can do what I want. 

 

There was silence, both awkward but comfortable at the same, as we had no idea what to do now that we were out here. With no other choice, we walked down the brick path that I had been on earlier.  What the fuck was I doing here? I didn't even know this guy's name but I was bored and there was nothing else to do. Him being attractive was just a bonus. I looked up to see he had been leading me to the small lake that I liked to visit so much in my free time. The water glinted with the moonlight and slight breeze made the water ripple. It was incredibly peaceful if I chose to ignore the shouts and laughing of the party. 

 

"Really crowded in there, huh?" he sat down on the bench. I was unsure whether to sit as well but there was nowhere else to sit down. We kept a comfortable distance, not too far or too close. I was suddenly nervous, to the point that I limited my moving around so I wouldn't attract too much attention to myself.

 

"Yeah, I get really anxious in big crowds. I didn't even want to come," I sighed.

 

"So then why do it?"

 

"My mother made me. She controls everything I do, as a matter of fact," I said lightly but there was an undertone of bitterness in my voice. He frowned upon hearing that but kept to himself.

 

We watched the moon glinting off the lake and the grass sway. I noticed how casually he laid his hand in the space between us. I looked at his facial expression and he looked zoned out but I caught him peeking at me from the corner of his eyes.

 

Two could play at that game. I moved my hand from my lap to about two inches away from his. I left it there, waiting for him to make a move but he was being a cheeky shit and rested his arm on his lap. 

 

"You're such an asshole," I huffed at him.

 

He mocked surprise, "I am?" 

 

"Yes, you are. I thought we were going to hold hands but then you pulled that shit on me," I muttered annoyed. He tilted his head back and gave a big hearty laugh. He didn't stop laughing until his eyes brimmed with tears and he was clutching his stomach.

 

"What's so funny?" I narrowed my eyes at him. Even if he was irritating, I couldn't help but stare at him. He still had his mask and my curiosity grew. I wanted to see what he looked like.

 

"Who said we were going to hold hands?" he teased. I huffed in frustration but I changed the subject to save myself from further embarrassment.

 

"How about we take off our masks?" I proposed. He stopped to wipe away his tears, smirking at me. "I already know how you look like, Mr. Howell," he teased. 

 

"Well, I want to know who I'm talking to.I don't even know your name!" I reached for his mask playfully and he swerved out of arm's reach. I kept lunging until I was basically sitting on his lap, smiling widely.

 

"Give up already," I said breathlessly. He shook his head, avoiding my gaze.

 

"C'mon, at least tell me your name," I whined. He let out a defeated sigh and turned to look at me, his face just inches away from mine. 

 

"Fine. It's Phil," he extended his hand awkwardly between the little space we shared. I took it and shook it a little too hard in defiance. "But I'm not taking off my mask."

 

I frowned, "That's fair." I did pull off mine though, as it was getting hot from all that fighting. My fingers unconsciously ran nervously through my hair when I noticed his stare. I was still on his lap and my face flushed. I climbed off, my heart beating worryingly fast and the butterflies in stomach swarmed, but he was still looking at me. I tried looked away multiple times, each time it was the same blue eyes swallowing me whole. I gave up and stared back. His mouth curled up into a little knowing smile. 

 

The moment was cut short as he rather abruptly got up. "I'm sorry, but I've got to get going," he said, looking down at his watch. I was confused. "Wait, where are you going? The party's just starting," as said as I stood up too. I didn't want my time with him to end. But I don't think he heard me as he was already walking away down the brick path. I had an urge to run after him but the reasonable side of me took over. You don't want to seem clingy, do you? Definitely the alcohol talking.

 

I don't even know what he looked like but my heart beat fast at the thought of me sitting in his lap. God, I was pathetic. I had no way of contacting him but I was sure I'd meet up with him again. I wasn't going to give up. I trudged down the path too, definitely not excited to go back. Phil was already out of sight.

 

I was right. The party was in full swing. I walked towards my table and my mother was still in the same spot but she looked angry. I really didn't want to face her wrath right now. So I turned right and left her with her mouth wide open. I wasn't going to deal with that.

 

"Sir! Hold up" George called after me hurriedly, "I've been looking everywhere, your mother is quite irritated with you, sir."

 

"Yes, I know that but I would like to be left alone for the rest of the night, thank you," I muttered. My bedroom awaited me. I was so ready for tonight to be over already. 

 

I plopped down on my bed and relished in the softness of my down pillows and satin sheets. I got up after a few minutes and shook off my jacket, checking the pockets to see if I had left anything inside. My fingers brushed against a crinkled surface and I pulled out a small piece of paper. There was a number messily scribbled on it with the name of Phil ;). That cheeky shit must've slipped inside my pocket when I was sitting on him. I shook my head in amusement. I'll make sure to call him later. 

 

After changing into my silk pajamas, I slipped under the covers and reminisced on the events of the evening. It had gone better than expected that's for sure. I fell asleep with a soft smile on my lips and dreamed of blue pools for eyes. 


	4. afternoon tea

The sun hit me right in the face. It was probably around high noon, judging by how hot and bright my room was. My head was pounding and I felt like throwing up. I had the worst hangovers. I tossed in my bed to find the most comfortable position. The dread of waking up settled in my stomach and I groaned in regret as my eyes spotted the half empty wine bottle on my nightstand. I had almost forgotten last night's events. Almost. The corners of my mouth turned remembering Phil. The memories were a bit hazy with alcohol but I remember the pond and laughing....and sitting on his lap. My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I was sure I was probably the color of beets. I face palmed in embarrassment. Why would I do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

 

I tended to be a bit flirty when I had a little too much to drink and things would never end well. Friends have told me about the crazy things I do at parties when I was too wasted to remember. Not that I did anything too crazy last night like strip down to my underwear and start giving people lap dances (which I shamefully have done before). I cringed nonetheless at my behaviour. The only good thing to come from it was the elated feeling I got from being in that moment with Phil. I have been in very compromising positions with many but no other moment ever made me feel like that.

 

"Mr. Howell, it's time to get up. Your mother has told me to remind you that the Lester's are coming over for tea today and you're expected to attend," George's muffled voice said. I groaned into my pillow in annoyance. I had totally forgotten about that. My mother invited a family that had recently moved into the neighborhood. Some old money from the North. My mother always liked to suck up to newbies. 

 

I looked at the clock on my nightstand and saw it was 12:45. My eyes shot completely open in shock. Mother had tea at one! I jumped off my bed at alarming speed and ran to my closet, grabbing the first thing I saw: a pair of tight dress pants, a black button-up shirt, and the dress shoes from last night. Quickly running my fingers over my unruly hair as I called my chauffeur to drive me to Mother's hotel of choice.

 

I was pulling up to the hotel's driveway ten minutes later and by 12:56 I was already making my way to our table. I could see that our guests were already there, the Lesters, accompanied by Mother. I smiled quite proudly at how fast I got ready despite still having a throbbing headache from the night before.

 

Mother spotted me and waved towards me, smiling widely. "Dan, I'd like you to meet Kathryn and Richard Lester."

 

The Lester's, it seemed, only consisted of them two and I was a bit surprised they didn't have any children. "A pleasure to meet you both," I said, plastering a grin just for Mother's sake. I shook Mr. Lester's hand tightly and gave Mrs. Lester's a ginger kiss on hers. I was charming when I wanted to be.

 

"Oh, quite the gentleman you've got here, Mrs. Howell," she raised her eyebrows at my mother, "I wish mine was half of as courteous as Dan, here."

 

"Please, call me Hillary and yes, it takes quite awhile for them to learn their manners, if you know what I mean," my mother giggled, gently slapping her knees in her own amusement.

 

So they did have children. I wonder if they were my age?

 

"I'm back," a voice behind me chimed, "and who's this?" I turned around to see it was Phil. I widened my eyes in shock. He was even more attractive than I remembered, well, considering I was slightly intoxicated last night. His cheekbones were sharp and looked quite regal from this angle. His multi colored eyes pierced right through me, making my knees turn into jelly. His black hair only helped accentuate his sharp features and lean body.

 

I wasn't one to be easily impressed though and I intended on sticking to it, "Daniel Howell, nice to meet you Phil." A one sided smirk erupted on his face and he said in an incredibly seductive voice, "My pleasure." My cheeks felt hot again and I had to look away so the heat could subside. Phil took a seat on the chair next to his parents and I watched his shirt stretch over his body. It was a tight red plaid button up that fit him just right and his trousers showed his ass off so well. Once Phil was seated, I realized he had caught me checking him out. He gave me slight wink only I would notice and turned to his parents saying, "What'd I miss?" 

 

"Daniel, your mother was just telling about how you're ready to court some nice young ladies. How'd that go yesterday? See any girl that caught your eye?" Mr. Lester piped up after I sat myself down in the next to my mother. I immediately caught Phil's eyes and blushed slightly. 

 

"Yes, I heard that's what the party was for yesterday, well besides your birthday. Find any girls you're interested in?" Phil spoke with an extra emphasis on girl while raising his eyebrows. Oh, he was going to pay for that one. I shot him a glance that only he could interpret as deadly as everyone's eyes were on me.

 

I cleared my throat, "Actually I didn't meet any girls I particularly liked," I said looking at Phil the whole time, "but I did meet plenty of interesting people. Sadly, none I would consider marrying." Now it was my turn to smirk, I was savoring every second. The look on his face was priceless, it was a mixture of amusement and surprise and I smiled at myself smugly. Meanwhile, my mothers was not so pleasant to look at.

 

"What a shame," he retorted while sitting seemingly nonchalant sipping from his drink. 

 

"Kathryn, I know quite a few young ladies who I'm sure would love to meet Daniel," Mrs. Lester broke the silence. 

 

"Oh really? That'd be lovely, Daniel doesn't seem to have problems looks wise but he sure is picky," my mother said, giving me a pointed look but I was too busy keeping my eye on Phil. The endless drone of conversation faded into the background, with the occasional question directed at mine or Phil's direction, while we both seemed to be playing a game of tug of war. A game I was pretty good at but Phil was equally as good.

 

He wouldn't look away and I didn't either so we waited until one of us caved in but neither of us did. His eyes really were gorgeous though, especially with the sunlight hitting them; they seemed transparent, like a clear blue lake on a sunny day. So, I didn't mind staring at them for the rest of the day if I had too. I wouldn't say there was underlying sexual tension in this little game we were playing but there definitely something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

 

"Phil's girlfriend, Reyna, is just so perfect for him. They're like two peas in pod, it's quite cute. She's always wanting to be with Phil and following him around like a puppy," Mrs. Lester giggled like a schoolgirl.

 

I looke awy hearing this. The game's importance suddenly didn't matter. My attention immediately fixed on her words and Phil's smile faltered just a little bit. "Now we're just waiting for Phil to pop the question. We're hoping its soon but Phil wants to keep waiting," Mrs. Lester continued. Phil's smile was obviously fake at this point and I wondered why he looked unhappy talking about a person he was supposed to love.

 

"Mum," Phil spoke warning, looking at her with an expression of annoyance.

 

"What it's true! I might just ask her myself," she said indignantly. 

 

Minutes ticked by slowly with each tick-tock of the clock and the sun was slowly moving down the sky. It was an interesting thought. Both Phil and I were being pressured into marrying but neither of us seemed to be ready. From the snippets of conversation I've heard, Phil was little older than me, around 28-29, I wasn't sure. Any other men I've known of that age had already gotten married, some even had multiple children. 

 

Quite interesting indeed. I wanted to know him better. I'm sure he had a few layers to his personality.

 

"Well, I think it's time for us to get going. The movers came by yesterday with the rest of our furniture and clothes. We need to settle ourselves in." Mrs. Lester got up and removed the thick napkin from her lap and set it down on the table. The rest of us did the same, all exchanging smile and goodbyes. "Pleasure to meet you Dan," Phil said cockily.

 

"The pleasure was all mine," I said playfully, widening my eyes innocently. Phil looked around and leaned into my ear. "Call me," his husky voice tickled my ear. He left before I could say anything. My cheeks were burning wildly while a lot of inappropriate thoughts crossed my mind. I wonder when else did he use that husky tone of his.

 

-

 

The moon shone through my window while the soft breeze of a June night blew through my room. I tugged my blanket even closer to me so it could convince me to sleep but it was hopeless. My mind was set on staying up. It had become more of occurrence that I stay up so I took sleeping pills but I had run out just yesterday. I tossed and turned in my stubborn nature until I finally got up to walk around.

 

My feet softly padded down the wood floors. They sounded ten times louder in the silence my house seemed to be surrounded in. I knew of course, my parents couldn't hear but I still walked slowly and carefully through the hallways, careful of night staff. Not that they would do anything but I didn't want to be discovered. I walked and walked, hoping to tire myself out until I came to the bench in front of the pond. I sat down tentatively in the same place as the the night of the party. My skimmed over the horizon, the pale moon was peeking out through the faraway houses and trees, their reflection wavering in the water. The wind that I felt breezing through my window earlier now whistles past my ear, only calming me more. If I could, I would possibly fall asleep right here. 

 

The creeping feeling of loneliness made itself present as I remembered how alone and exposed I was out here. I looked down the horizon again and I wondered what Phil was doing. Was he still awake? Surely he wasn't. It was almost one in the morning last time I checked but if he was awake...would he be thinking about me? I shook my head to get the thought out. I didn't need him clouding my thoughts. 

 

Was he as lonely as me?


	5. the moon

Was he as lonely as I was?

 

He looked lonely. I'd only seen a total of a few hours but he had an aura of...want. I searched my pajama bottoms for my phone and took it out. He was there in my contacts. Phil ;) My finger hovered over the call button. It was just a thought. He had told me to call him. He never specified when.  What was I doing? He was asleep, you complete idiot. Still, the call button looked very tempting. He'd think I was fucking crazy for calling him at this hour. The Lesters were the closest house to ours. If we lived in the suburbs it'd be around two blocks away. Our back yard took up the space between Phil and I's house. Maybe he could come over? Now you're really crazy.

 

I pressed down the call button accidently (or maybe not?) and now I had no choice but to suck it up. The phones rang and rang out into the darkness. My anxiety only grew with each second. What would I say if he actually picked up?! I took the phone off my ear to hang up but my eyes widened in horror to see he had already picked up. My breathing was erratic and I wasn't so sure I could bring the phone up to my ear more. I pressed the speaker button and waited for his voice to ring out into the darkness. 

 

A low raspy voice came out from the electronic device and my heart gave a little jump. "Hello?" I didn't pick up my phone to respond. I was somewhat shocked he had actually picked up. I hadn't prepared for this moment at all. "Look if this some kind of prank call, it's not very funny." 

 

"Phil?" I was surprised I hear my own voice. It was low and delicate. 

 

"Dan? What're you doing up? " His husky voice warmed up.

 

"I don't really know,"I stuttered slightly. "I can't sleep. I was lonely. What're you doing up? I didn't think you'd pick up to be honest." I slowly regained my confidence the more I talked. 

 

He seemed caught off guard. The question hung between us. All that was heard was his soft breathing and the rustle of leaves. "I was jacking off," he said calmly. My jaw came down so slow I thought it fall off. Suddenly, the night didn't seem so dark and poetic and my thoughts from earlier dissipated. "Dan? You still there?" 

 

"Dan, I was joking." 

 

"I can't believe you!" I was speechless. If it weren't a joke, how does he suppose I would respond?! His flamboyant laugh was the only sound for a minute and a smile returned on my face. "What are you doing up though? You still haven't answered my question." I'd be lying if the thought of him getting off right now didn't turn me on the slightest.

 

"I couldn't sleep either. I was about to sleep when you called me, it's too late now." I didn't respond. I was just content hearing his deep breaths. Well, if the two of us were awake, maybe he could come over, right? 

 

"Don't you live around here?" Of course, I knew exactly where he lived but being casual in these situations was key. "What're you insinuating Mr. Howell?" His tone was once again playful. I huffed in slight annoyance. "Not what I meant! What I mean is, we're both awake so might as well keep each other company. No funny business though, Mr. Lester." I warned teasingly.

 

He was quiet for moment, making me worry if I had crossed a line. "Yeah, sure. I'll be right over." 

 

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. Crickets and cicadas sang in reckless harmony, giving me a sense of comfort. The wind had died down a bit but it was still enough to tousle my hair. My leg jiggled in anxious anticipation. I gathered it'd take Phil around 10 minutes if he were walking so that meant 10 minutes to kill. I got on my bare feet and walked to the edge of the water. The rough sand-like dirt beneath me and I curled my toes into it, relishing in its texture. The water lapped with the wind, making it nip at my toes as I walked more and more deeper inside the pond. It was lukewarm. I was soon up to my ankles pulling up my pants so they wouldn't get wet. I considered just going in all the way or at least sitting on the sandbars. No, it was too windy. I knew I would regret it once I got out and the wind hit my wet clothes.

 

"It's too late for a swim, isn't it?" I jumped at the sudden at the interruption. "I'm not judging-I'd go in myself but I think I'm catching something." His hands were in his front pockets as he stood nonchalantly watching me. I suddenly felt very self conscious in the water and walked back out to sit on the bench. "I didn't think that's what you had in mind when you asked me to come over." 

 

"Oh, shut up, I didn't ask you." It was all could say. I convinced myself I was just looking for company; a very tiny, minute, part of me questions whether that was the real reason. "What were you thinking about?" I blurted out. His face twisted in confusion and he looked for me to elaborate. "Well you told me you couldn't sleep, so what were thinking about?" He turned away and sighed.

 

"Nothing of importance. I just think too much," he said reluctantly, his eyes fixed on the water. He was holding back on something and I kind of wanted to know. Mostly because I was bored and sleep deprived.

 

"You can tell me."

 

"It's kind of personal, I'm not sure if I could," Phil said in a hushed tone. I felt bad for prying into his private life. I still waited a few seconds just to see if he would say but I was met with silence. "That's fine. I'm being nosy."The air turned uncomfortable. I always ruined shit with my stupid questions. 

 

"I should be leaving anyways, I don't want people to come looking for me." Phil got up abruptly. "It's been nice, Dan. We should hang out more." My heartbeat fastened at the thought if being around Phil again.

 

"Maybe tomorrow? I have nothing else to do," I spoke quickly before I backed down. He smiled easily and said, "Sure. I'll pick you up around five" It was my turn to smirk. "I'll be waiting for you Mr. Lester." He chuckled and clambered off into the night. The moon shone brightly now so he shouldn't have a problem getting home safely.

 

I grinned widely remembering my plans for tomorrow. I quietly ran back into the house, only to peer out searching for Phil. I could only see the trees swaying.


	6. a vinyl for him

I was stuck between a custom Versace blazer or a Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater. I decided on the sweater and checked myself out in the mirror. I didn't want to look too showy. We both knew that my family had more money than his but I didn't want to flaunt it. "George," I called out. "Call me a driver, I'm going out tonight." George pushed through my double closet doors. "But sir, your mother has requested you for dinner." I turned sharply his way and gave him a glare. I didn't like when he questioned my choices especially when I was nervous. "Well, I already had plans. Tell her that I'm sorry." I walked around him with my head held high.

 

"Go on, George. Call that driver. Quickly now." George hurriedly walked out with me trailing behind him. The last thing I wanted to do was be late. Impressions were my specialty. A shiny black Cadillac Escalade with tinted windows was waiting for me at the curb.  "Lester residence, please." I gave the driver directions. I drummed my fingers nervously on the leather seats. There wasn't a reason to be nervous. We rounded the corner and his house came into view. A glistening white French provincial style home with black gates surrounding it and beautiful lush gardens all around, quite similar to mine actually.

 

One of their personal valets approached the car and I rolled down my window. "Please tell Phil that I'm here to pick him up." I smiled charmingly at him. "Of course, Mr. Howell." He bowed courteously and scurried of view. The seconds ticked by slowly. Where was he? "Phil, dear, I can't find my earrings!" An unfamiliar female voice called out. "Well, we have to go. Maybe you should stay." The irritated voice belonged to Phil. "Oh no, I'm going. I haven't seen you in a week! I missed my baby." a moment of silence followed. Was this Phil's girlfriend his mom was talking about?

 

I rolled up my window so it wouldn't be obvious I was spying on them. Their valet boy opened the door and a rush of sunlight filtered into the car. Phil's girlfriend (Reyna, was it?) was clinging onto his shoulder like a lost animal but she had a wide smile on her face. Phil, on the other hand just looked at me with a face that said, "I'm sorry this wasn't what we planned. We don't have to go if you don't want to." I just smiled softly and patted the seats next to me. There wasn't any reason to mind Reyna (?). They were a couple so who was I to be bothered by it? "I don't believe we've been introduced," Reyna said openly. She stuck out her hand expectantly.  I got out the car and walked by her side. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. Daniel Howell, a pleasure," I said smoothly as I kissed her hand.

 

Reyna was pretty, very pretty. Her skin was the color of caramel and smooth like velvet. Her hair was a raven color, much like Phils. Her lips were painted with a classic wine red that contrasted well with her features. She had piercing dark eyes and striking features that made sure you never forgot her. Her body was curvy with her sides dipping into a subtle hourglass shape. She definitely didn't look like the clingy type, more like you have to latch onto her so she doesn't leave. But there she was submissively holding Phil's hand.

 

I didn't even glance at Phil's direction as I made my way back around to get into the car but I felt his eyes on me. Reyna stood with a huge smile and turned to Phil whispering. She got in the car and sat right between Phil and I. Which was fine, of course. I caught a sneaky glance at Phil on the other side but he was already side-eyeing me. I softly smiled and turned to the window to look at the darkening sky. Maybe this night will be nice. I was really hoping so anyway, I need it.

 

The car ride was mostly silent except for the occasional comment from Reyna. "This is such a nice little ranch" or "I almost forgot how small towns could be". To be frank, it was annoying me but I was already here and I made plans with Phil; I wasn't about back out (not that I could). I would be lying if I wasn't a little mad at Phil either. I had no idea HE was going to bring his girlfriend along. I unconsciously crossed my arms and huffed softly.

 

"Mr. Howell, Mr. and Mrs. Lester, we've arrived." Reyna smiled widely and looked smug upon hearing that. My eyes turned widened and suggestive towards Phil but he wasn't looking at me or at anyone. I might be wrong but his jaw looked a bit clenched. He didn't even bother correcting the driver as he was already opening the door to get out.

 

"Phil, dear, where exactly are we going?" Reyna spoke up. I raised my eyebrows. Of course, she wouldn't even have an idea what we were doing. It's apparent she only came for Phil. Which I guess was understandable.

 

"We were just planning on hanging out," I answered her after it was obvious Phil wasn't going to. Her face contorted in confusion and bewilderment. "Oh."

 

We walked downtown without aim. Me on the left, Phil on the right, and Reyna in the middle. The streets, lined with lighted trees, were occupied with local hipsters from the nearby college. Though there was a lot of people milling around here was almost no cars driving by. I could hear music from all kinds of different places. Jazzy blues from the coffee shop. Acoustic indie from a thrift store.Hard rock from the bar. It was really a nice place to hang out but I couldn't shake the slight feeling of annoyance. The smell of coffee and food was prominent and my stomach rumbled. I hadn't eaten dinner prior to this as I thought me and Phil could have possibly gone to grab something to eat. As friends, of course.

 

"You're hungry?" Phil was now walking aside me but Reyna was still clinging to him like a dog. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. His eyes looked at me with complete attention and it unnerved me. "Um, yeah, I didn't really eat anything yet."

 

"Maybe we eat first then."

 

"Well then, let's go. I know just the place." For a second, I almost thought he was going to grab my hand but he remembered Reyna was there with us too. He retracted his arm slightly like it never crossed his mind. Instead, he grabbed Reyna's hand, tightly and domineering. Phil followed me while I led the way to a higher end Thai restaurant.

 

It was properly decorated and I felt out of place with my too expensive clothes but Phil marched on. We stood out like sore thumbs even though it was supposed to be a more expensive restaurant. Nobody seemed to notice. It was filled with families out to dinner and artsy couples. "Yes, table for three please?" The waiter did a once over of all of us and her smile grew just a little wider and artificial. "Right this way." They led us to a window table out of view. Outside the sun had almost set and the sky was mostly clear except for stray cloud here and there. There was a water fountain trickling calmly next our table, letting my nerves untangle for a moment. "I'll be back shortly when you're ready to order," she smiled and nodded respectfully before heading into the kitchen.

 

Reyna and Phil were seated on one side and I on the other side with my back turned towards the window. I looked over the menu and all the items were a decent amount of money, not that this was a problem. My eyes immediately went to a more familiar name, Pad Thai, and I decided on that. I glanced up at my menu and saw Reyna eagerly pointing at the menu, spewing suggestions enthusiastically. I then looked at Phil and caught his eye. We hadn't really talked much this whole evening. Why was he being so quiet? "So, Phil, where did you and your family come from?" I asked. Phil visibly perked up at the chance to say something. He was just about to speak but Reyna butted in and said, "Well, we all came from Manchester." I smiled sarcastically amused still looking at Phil. His lips were drawn tight and his shoulders were tense. I really didn't want for this evening to go badly.

 

I was seated directly across from him and I stretched my foot so it playfully hit his. He bunched his eyebrows in confusion until he realized what I was doing. He kicked me and I did it back. It went back and forth until the table next to us glanced at us judgementally. At this point, Phil had a huge grin plastered on his face and his face was flushed from giggling so much. He looked adorable. It was miraculous Reyna hadn't even noticed us as she was still intently looking at the menu.

 

"Are we ready to order?" The waitress was back with a small notepad in hand. "I would like the Pad Thai, please? And iced tea." I handed her my menu and bashed my eyelashes. Her cheeks turned pink. "And for the lovely couple?" Phil was still smiling as he said, "We'd like to order the Jim Jum, please. Iced tea for us too." Reyna turned to Phil accusingly once the waitress left. "We never agreed on that." Phil's giggly attitude dropped at once. "You've never had Thai food before so I got it for us to share because I know you'd like it." She stared just a little longer until her smile returned. "Aww, Philly! You're so sweet!" She leaned her head onto his shoulder.  The second-hand embarrassment was too much for me. I felt like such a third wheel. I definitely didn't want the rest of th evening to be spent like this. I picked at my phone awkwardly, opening and closing apps, checking social medias. Everyone was out as well, but they were having fun. Meanwhile, I was stuck with a clingy puppy and her annoyed boyfriend.

 

"Pad Thai for the handsome gentleman. Here's your iced tea as well." A hot steaming plate was placed in front of me and my appetite was increased. I dug in right away not even bothering for the others to be served as well. I didn't look up until I had eaten a good third, that's how hungry I was. Phil and Reyna were eating from different bowls but she kept trying to feed Phil as he ducked away from her. I studied them curiously. They were an odd couple, probably arranged. I felt kind of bad for Phil. I looked down at my own food and suddenly I wasn't so hungry anymore.

 

I took a huge sip of my drink, letting it cool me down before standing up. "Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom," I directed at Phil, laying my napkin on the table. He nodded slightly in understanding. "I have to go as well." He also got up."You'll be fine on your own, won't you dear?" We didn't wait for her to speak and escaped to the bathroom, holding in our laughter. Once we burst through the door, howls of laughter came out from both us. I was clutching my stomach hard from the pain of laughing. Phil was hunched over with his hands on his knees, catching his breath. There was only one person using a urinal but he promptly left, looking at us like we were crazy.

 

"I can't believe you made me do that!" Phil.

 

"What the fuck do you mean 'made you do that', I didn't make you do anything!" Ther nerve! I wasn't to blame. Phil's hair was ruffled and messy, his shirt was becoming untucked, almost exposing his subtle muscles. His face was flushed healthily. His breathing was ragged. My heart thumped.

 

"I have a crazy idea," I said after catching my breath completely. I looked around the stalls to see if anybody was around. "How about we leave?" Phil's eyes widened in disbelief. His eyebrows scrunched in thought. He opened the door just a little bit and looked through it. "Alright, but we'll have to sneak past. Right now she's talking to a waiter. I think if we leave right now and stay behind at least 4 tables and go round the restaurant we might be able to sneak by." We set our plan into action and walked right next to waiter serving a table. Reyna was still talking to a waiter, handing him her drink, to refill I assume. Soon, we were out the door, once again laughing until tears streamed down our faces and strangers mugged us. We drunkenly stumbled down the pavement, clutching onto each other.

 

We passed by boutiques and music stores and theaters. There wasn't a lot of people as earlier and with the sky dark, the mood was different. Our hands brushed against each other with each step and my body heated up with each touch. We shared eye contact every once in awhile but nothing beyond that. It was irritating. "Where are we going?" Phil was the first speak up. "I've never been here before but it's really pretty." I smiled brightly, I knew just where to take him. "C'mon," I exclaimed excitedly. There was many record stores here but there was one I always went to.

 

It was situated at the very corner of the street where most people didn't bother to go. I always went there with my mother when I was younger and she'd let me pick out records when we were in town. This is the place where my music taste was nurtured. I had collected over 100 records over the years,Genres ranged from Chopin, Tchaikovsky, to Frank Sinatra; I made sure to keep them in top condition. They were my most prized possessions.

 

"Hey Dan, haven't seen you in a long time."

 

"Nice to see you too, Nick," I chirped. I hadn't been here in quite some time. Responsibilities had been catching up to me. I looked around in awe, forgetting about Phil, and saw the store had a few upgrades and there double the number of records than the last time I came. "I knew you'd love the place," Nick said behind the cash register. "Who's your friend?" I remembered about Phil and bringing him here. "That's Phil." Phil approached him energetically and said, "Nice to meet you, Nick. Cool shop you've got here."

 

"Oh, I'm just an employee but I've been here so long I might as well be the owner," Nick chuckled. Nick was an older man, around mid-fifties. His beard was gray and lightly spotted with brown. He had crow's feet and deep-seated lines on his forehead but he was always so calm.  I've known him since I was small and I'd ask him for recommendations. Each year I'd come here for my birthday and  Nick would give a free record of his choice. "Take good care of them, kid."

 

"Hey Nick, you still haven't given me my free record." Nick's eye lit up with astonishment.

 

"Is it your birthday already? Oh my, time sure does fly." He reached behind the counter and grabbed a record. He dusted it off and handed it to me. "I've been saving this one for awhile. I knew you were turning 24 so I picked something I listened to when was your age." It was a faded The Mamas and The Papas album with heir hit song California Dreamin'.

 

"Thank you so much!" I hugged Nick tightly and breathed in his familiar scent of cherry tobacco.

 

"No problem, kid. Happy birthday."

 

I smiled warmly at him before turning around to search for Phil. I found him deep in the alternative section, flipping through records. I coughed to get his attention and he looked up with a grin.

 

"This place is so cool! They have all kinds of genres!" Phil said enthusiastically.

 

"That's why I brought you here. Well, maybe not the only reason why," I said as I held up Nicks present.

 

He had a record of his own in hand. It was relatively new looking and modern. The title read "Ultraviolence" with a black and white picture of a young woman standing behind an open car door. There was no artist name.

 

"What have you got there?"

 

He held it up proudly. "I don't know. It doesn't have the artist name on the cover but I want to take it," Phil said determinedly. I giggled at his child-like enthusiasm. We searched through the endless slection of music, swapping favorite artists and jokes. "It's almost closing time," Nick called from the back.

 

"All right then," I called out to him and then said to Phil, "Let's go ring it up."

 

I pulled out my credit card from my back pocket and waited to swipe. Phil held back my arm. "No, Dan, I'll pay for it."

 

"Nonsense, I brought you here. It only makes sense I but you this." He kept insisting he pay for it but I wasn't giving. I wanted to do this for him. "Fine, but I owe you one," Phil caved in. Nick carefully placed it ina bag and handed it to Phil. He smiled at me adoringly and my insides melted like butter.

 

But it didn't last long as he said, "We should better get back. Reyna must be wild right now." The grim thought of my time with Phil being over almost ruined my mood. Almost. But I knew I should cherish the moment instead of letting things get to me. The walk back was significatly less loud but I sucked in every possible second I had with Phil.

 

Reyna was waiting outside the restaurant with the chauffeur by her side, speaking frantically into her phone. She stopped once she spotted us and ran to hug Phil. "Where did you go? I've been calling you the past hour. You had me so worried, I can't believe you," she said resentfully as she let her face fall for a second so I could see her skeptical expression. She covered it pretty quickly with a submissive smile but I know what I saw.

 

She now turned to me after nitpicking at Phil, making sure he was okay. Her face changed once again to an ice and threatened stare. "I'm guessing you two went somewhere. I'm not going ask questions but I didn't appreciate that. You better be careful of what you're doing Howell," she whispered at me while blocking Phil from our conversation. Her passive-aggressive smile almost turned into a snarl. Phil was too busy paying the cashier of the restaurant to notice our little interaction. Reyna's actions didn't faze me one bit and I returned an equally petty smile. "Sure, honey." I sauntered over to my side of my car, climbed inside, and slammed the door ceremoniously.

 

The tension in the car was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. At least the car ride was short. Reyna didn't waste any time getting off once we got to the Lester residence. Phil stayed behind, though. "Besides the obvious of making Reyna mad, I had fun with you tonight. Thank you for the record, by the way. See you soon?" He was clutching the vinyl tightly against his body. I knew I shouldn't after tonight's incident but I didn't hesitate agreeing. He sent one of his heart-melting smiles, no teeth this time, and it suddenly made everything okay.


	7. sun rays and icy stares

"I love these cakes. Did your mother have them specially made? They taste just like when I lived in Milan," the girl seated next to me ranted. I was ready to pull my hair out in frustration. It was excruciating. Ever since the Lester's questioned my bachelor life, my parents have really been cracking my down on me.

 

"Phil's got such a sweet girl and they look so in love. And it was arranged!" Mother would casually mention their relationship whenever she found an opportunity to put pressure on me. Well, she's definitely putting pressure on me but a little more and I'll explode.

 

Despite the obvious, the day was my ideal perfect day. The sun was out and shining but it was emitting soft sunlight, just warm enough to tingle my skin. You didn't break a sweat either because the slight breeze was there, ready to dry it off once it broke the skin. The trees above me were green as can be, pouring little lights of sun rays through its leaves to where we were sitting. It made just want to curl into a fleece blanket on the grass and read a long book or maybe sketch something. It was a day going to waste. It was infuriating. 

 

I had absolutely no control over my life. Mother always told me our reputation was on the line after my younger sister, Emma, had left with a junkie rockstar to California the minute she turned eighteen. 'We can't afford any more slip-ups if you want your father's business to thrive. We have to make the right moves.' Not that I had much freedom, to begin with. It's always been a special tutor this, scholarship that, always appearances. I was expected to be the stock image of the successful white male. I'd been so wrapped up in keeping up this image that I never stopped and truly asked myself what I wanted to do. It's always been a given that I was always going to have money but what were my hobbies? Everybody had something they liked to do to shed stress; be it drawing, playing music, or even drinking. I had nothing. I woke up and let myself be handled like a puppet just for the sake of my family. I had to pay for my sister's mistake, making me a very, very resentful brother. 

 

On the days leading up to my sister's impromptu departure, she started questioning me. Don't you want to leave? Doesn't it bother you how much they push you around? Are you really going to let others decide your life choices for you? At the time I wasn't able to answer because never had those questions crossed my mind but if she came back, I'd answer them all in a heartbeat. Truth be told, I was tired of all my strings being moved around to please everybody. 

 

She had said something. Her face was looking at me expectantly with a familiar expression that those around me constantly had; an awaiting smile and beady eyes waiting for my answer. There's this problem I have in which I space out right in the middle of an important conversation and whatever the other person was saying completely flies over my head and when the time comes for them to ask me a question, I have no idea how to answer. It's frustrating for me as well as my friends. 

 

"I said, it's almost time for me to leave," she said while her smile grew impatient. "Oh, thank god," I sighed out as I slid back into the chair. Her smile faltered processing my words. It slowly slid off the more she looked at me until her she was staring at me with a glassy glare She got up and wiped the imaginary dirt off her expensive dress and took off in the direction of my house while I watched her, sipping calmly from my mimosa. Not an ounce of guilt surfaced inside me - she wasn't worth my time. I never even caught her name but she was strong, I could tell. I liked that. 

 

I stretched out legs and laid my head back. Like I said the day was nice and I fully intended on enjoying what was left of it. My eyelashes fluttered open and shut for several minutes as my breathing slowed until they closed completely. A sense of temporary relief flooded me because just for a second, I didn't have to worry about the future. This was my time.

 

My light slumber was cut short when I felt someone's presence. "Go away, I don't want to be disturbed," I mumbled annoyedly. "Don't worry I was just leaving, sleeping beauty," a deep baritone voice I had come to know recently. My eyes shot open in surprise. He was sitting in the chair that the girl from earlier was sitting in, sipping on the martini and nibbling the cakes she had left behind. He was leaning back as well with a nonchalant manner about him. I eyed him warily with a sleep ridden mood. "You scared the shit out of me you know," I yawned and sat up. 

 

"Sorry about that. I just thought I'd drop by but I didn't know you would be fast asleep, princess." He licked the leftover frosting from his fingers. I blushed at his pet name but ignored it as my mind was still intent on sleeping. 

 

"Don't call me princess," I huffed out, attempting to rub the sleep from my eyes. The name still affected me though. "Aww don't be like that. I'm just having fun." His eyes now had a dark glint to them. He got up from his chair and kneeled dangerously close behind mine, so close I could feel his breath hotly on my neck. Chills ran down my spine and I lurched forward in my chair. "You should probably go inside. Your mother is having a terrible fuss; she isn't pleased with you." Now, that line alone wasn't supposed to sound seductive but my body heated up immediately as I wasn't focusing on the meaning of his words but his tone.

 

I stood up hastily, tugging at my shirt, still flustered by the interaction. I looked down to check if I hadn't popped one. I wasn't 16 anymore but you never know. "Guess I have to go, bye now," I said hurriedly. He was now leaning on my chair looking at me through his eyelashes. "Toodleloo." I blushed once more before walking my way down the brick path. I dared to look back and saw Phil now sitting where I was, stretched out with his shirt untucked and riding up his stomach, reading the book I was planning on reading. 

 

Mother was inside one of the smaller lounges decorated in blue and gray, reserved only for her. She paced back and forth with her personal maid, Merdle, by her side comforting her. "Daniel! Guess what I just found out?" I looked at her resolute; she had no right to yell at me when she drove me here in the first place. She continued. "That nice young girl ran out angrily while yelling that our son, Daniel Howell, was being a 'bastard'. Do you know how fast that will spread!? Your father and I do not work this hard to clean our name for you to muck it up all over again!" I took it but stubbornly. She was right; I had been a total asshole to that girl. But not once did I lower my head and show her any kind of compliance. 

 

Her pacing didn't slow and her hardened expression didn't give; quite opposite, it only became more insistent. "I have no idea whats been going on lately, Daniel. We need to fix this, one way or another. You know your father and I both love you but if you keep staining our reputation...I just don't want a repeat of your sister."

 

My anger inflamed upon hearing that. "What do you mean 'a repeat of your sister'!? First, of all, I'm not going to run away with someone first chance I get. Second, she is still family and family should come before a family name. I can't believe you both, I would've thought that my point would've come across. I. Don. Want. To. Marry." My words hung thickly in the air. Mother stopped pacing and acquired the same facade I had; chin up and stubborn. Her icy stare I knew so well.

 

"I think it's time for a little intervention. Your father and I have been contemplating this but  you're leaving us with no choice, Daniel." Her gaze remained and mine on her. I had no idea what she was planning but I knew I wasn't going to like it. "Arranged marriage seems to be our only choice now. We gave you a chance to meet spouses, Dan, should've taken advantage of it." She turned her back on me, leaving me open-mouthed. This could not be happening. Ther very thought made me feel naked, exposed, vulnerable. Without control. I wasn't about to let this happen. 

 

"No, wait!" I exclaimed. "Give me one more chance, please!" I racked my brain for options but came up empty; my mother's stare hadn't faltered the tiniest bit. I looked back and tried to quickly figure out what to do when I blurted out, "What about we host another ball? I promise I'll dance with every maiden available. Just give me time, please." I damn near begged; I was so desperate for this little shred of independence I had left. It wasn't even about finding a spouse for me, I just wanted this to be mine. 

 

She scanned her eyes over me and narrowed her eyes before slowly nodding her head. "Fine, but you will have to pick someone that night, understand?" I nodded eagerly; I had won this round. 

 

"We're going clothes shopping tomorrow. You need a new suit. I'll invite Kathryn, she could probably bring her son, Phil was it?" 

 

I thanked her gracefully and scurried to my rooms before she even changed her mind. 


	8. flirting in a dressing room

"Get up, get up, its time to go!" My covers were ripped off and my pillow ripped out from under me. The morning cold made me shiver andI absently reached for them. My head swam with confusion and sleep. Why the hell was I being woken up?

 

"What now?" I groaned into my pillow.

 

"You're going shopping! Your mother has told me to come fetch you! Get up at once!" George was standing at the side of my bed, face red from his shouting. A smile of amusement tugged at my mouth and I reluctantly got up. I liked George after all, wouldn't want him to have a heart attack on my account. I got up and he walked out, staring at me to make sure I wasn't going back to sleep.

 

My walk-in closet had been recently organized. It was quite big, with marble floors and pillars holding up the racks filled to the brim with clothes. With reflective surfaces, mirrors on every wall and a painted, reflective mosaic for a ceiling, there wasn't anywhere that didn't show off my naked figure. I threw on a vintage, white Gucci crew neck with my signature black jeans. Mother hated when I dressed casual but I mostly did it to spite her and it was comfortable. I double checked in the humongous crafted mirror in next to me to see if I looked decent enough and I approved of my appearance. I left my hair alone, though it was starting to curl at the tips.

 

I walked out confidently, letting George trail behind me until I reached the white, sparkling grand staircase. Mother was dressed in dress pants and a pretty watercolor-like blouse. She scowled at disappointedly at my outfit but she knew it was no point fighting with me on this. Her heels clicked with each step towards the door. "We're taking my car today," she told valet. I tried to hide my surprise. She rarely used her car to go out; a white, shiny Rolls Royce Ghost. I've only been on it a handful but I loved when I did. Of course, nothing could beat my Audi R8, all matte black with red detailing and all of its 610 horsepower. It was a bit mainstream but a beautiful car nonetheless. I wondered what type of car Phil owned.

 

The luxurious Rolls Royce pulled up, engine on and ready to go. Mother got in, careful not to dirty it up and I did the same. "We're going to be picking up Lester's," she said once we were on the road. She turned the corner smoothly and their gigantic house came into view. I had forgotten about the little deal I had made with my mother the day before. I groaned in frustration, letting the back of my head hit the seat but she paid me no attention.The only good thing coming out of this right now is getting to see Phil. But I didn't see why they had to come with us as I usually did all my shopping online.

 

We pulled into their expansive driveway that seemed to be glittering in the sunshine. "Mr. and Mrs. Lester are on their way, ma'am," one of the staff kindly said. Mother apparently took this time to check herself in the mirror, reapplying her dark red lipstick. I scoffed lightly and she looked at me through the mirror. "Impressions are everything, Daniel," she said simply. I rolled my eyes and looked towards the entrance of their house, waiting to see a pair of pretty blue eyes.

 

"Now look, I want you on your best behavior. No complaining or whining, no acting like you're still 15, for god's sake." I grumbled incoherent words, it was way too early and I hadn't eaten yet.

 

"Elizabeth, darling! So good to see you again!" Mother got out of the car to exchange cheeks kisses.I got out as well and leaned against the car, looking at Phil get out the door. He turned away from the entrance and we caught each other's eyes at once. His eyes raked over my exposed body with curious eyes and my knees turned to jelly. He sashayed towards me and leaned beside me. A sense of uneasiness was in the air.

 

"I see you didn't bring Reyna this time." He looked up from the ground and tightly smiled. "Mmm no, she's out with some new girlfriends." He ran his pale fingers through his black hair, mussing it up in all the right places and I swear it was the hottest thing I had ever seen. He spoke up before I could respond. "Sorry about last time, you know. I really didn't know she was going to come."

 

"It's no problem. I had a nice time." I smiled easily back at him. "Did you listen to the record you got?" He immediately perked up and stood a little taller. "I did! It's great! I was a little hesitant buying it but it turned out to be such a good album." There was a twinkle in his eye I had never seen before. It looked like excitement and it was completely adorable. All I ever have seen before was either annoyance or flirtiness but this was a nice change from that and he was actually very cute when excited.

 

"Boy's, get in! We're leaving." Like the gracious gentleman I was, I courteously opened the door for Phil and flashed him my most charming smile. "Ladies first," I said teasingly. He didn't get offended like other's would've instead curtsied mockingly and got into the car as I shut the door behind him. He didn't fail to surprise me. The ride to the shopping center was filled up with useless chatter from both our moms in the front but Phil and I stayed mostly silent except for the occasional game of footsies we played like we were five. I grinned smugly at Phil when I overpowered him but he just smirked back. I looked down at our position and my cheeks reddened when I saw we were tangled up and my foot rested on top of his thigh, close to where his crotch was. Phil raised his eyebrow suggestively but I brushed him off with a glare.

 

We pulled up to the parking lot of a high-end shopping center I didn't come often too. It was pretty big as well but it wasn't like a mall where its filled to the brim with people and teeming with life. Instead, there's the idle walking of tourists confused as to why they're there and why everything is so expensive and the people who actually afford to buy clothes from there. I fell into the latter. Instead of pretzel stands and pizza, there was expensive Asian cuisine with 9-course meals and instead of ball pits for children, there were lavish water fountains with no coins inside.

 

"Where shall we go? I wanted to buy Dan a new suit for that ball I was talking to you about on the phone but I wanted to buy a new handbag as well," Mother addressed Mrs. Lester but Phil raised his eyebrows at the mention of a ball. I just looked down sheepishly. I'd tell him later about my little agreement.

 

"Hmm, well, let's go look at the handbag first. I want to grab one as well," Mrs. Lester replied. Our moms pulled ahead of us, talking and giggling amongst themselves but Phil and I walked behind, in no rush. My hands were in my pockets and I absently kicked at the floor.

 

"Ball, huh?" I rolled my eyes at his small talk tone. I never liked mindless chatter. "Yeah, I'll tell you about it later but Mothers throwing another ball for me." I kicked absently at the floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "Let's hope you get drunk again because sober Dan isn't as fun," he said jokingly. I grinned and gently shoved him to the side and he giggled. "Shut up, I was only talking to you cause I was bored." Phil's mouth formed an 'O' shape in mock surprise. "So I was just entertainment? How could you I thought we had something," he teased and resumed walking alongside me.

 

His last words struck me, he couldn't possibly mean that. "Well, you were." I stuck out my tongue, choosing to ignore the stupid, nagging voice in my head."Interesting." We continued to walk in comfortable silence. He was walking so close to me I could smell his faint cologne. So close, our hands brushed against each other and I ignored my erratic heartbeat. I wanted nothing more but to hold it and it took quite a bit of self-restraint not too.

 

"This one is so pretty! You should take it, Kathryn." Phil's mother held up a beautiful ivory white handbag with black embellishments. it seemed to shine int he light. I wasn' particularly interested in bags as much as my mother though and I sat next to Phil on a bench facing a window to the outside world. The sun was still high but not harsh, just enough to softly contrast. "They really like their accessories, don't they?" Phil said chuckling lightly. God, he did this thing where he laughed but his tongue would peek out and he would bite it and it made him even more irresistible. His tongue ran over his moist, pink lips. I had the urge to take his jaw and bite them. God, what's gotten into you?! He has a girlfriend.

 

I sighed softly. "Yeah, they do." I bit my own lip. "Hey, are you going to that ball thing my mom's planning?" I said it with resistance as I didn't want t to seem too desperate but now that it had entered my thoughts, it wouldn't leave without an answer. He looked at me curiously. "Well, I'm guessing so. Our mothers seem to have really bonded lately, but I heard it was...so you could meet someone?" It wasn't the answer I wanted or anticipated but I tried to not look disappointed as I didn't even know what I wanted. I turned away so he couldn't see my frown. I really didn't want to thnk about that. "Well, it's still a party. You're invited as far as I'm concerned." I gave him a tired smile which he returned. "Ooh, Danny calling the shots! You do that in bed too?" I laughed and shoved him playfully with my shoulder. He chuckled as well, doing that thing with his tongue again that killed me. "Shut up." I ducked to hide my blush.

 

"You boys having fun?" Mrs. Lester said teasingly. My body lit up in embarrassment from being caught flirting(?) with her son, if you called one-sided feelings being played with 'flirting'. They were both holding up dark brown Coach shopping bags in their hands.Time really flies when you're being constantly teased. Phil had a wry smile and answered, "Yep, we're having a blast." I stuck out my tongue but smiled either way. I noticed I'd been doing that a lot, smiling and laughing and blushing. I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

 

"Alright! We need to get suits!" Mrs. Lester, I noticed, was a very bubbly person, much like Phil.

 

"Wait, I'm getting one too?" Phil looked confused.

 

"But, of course! I was thinking you should go to Dan's ball." Phil didn't argue with that and a small feeling of odd satisfaction came over me. We entered the tuxedo shop with a few people and couples milling around. It was a big store with formal attire and suits everywhere you could see, ranging from shoes to suits, to underwear. I walked around, flipping through different shirts and pre-picked tuxedos but none stood out. Meanwhile, Mother was already filling up her hands with clothes for me as was Mrs. Lester. "My mother loves any reason to shop, honestly. We might be here awhile." Phil came up from behind me suddenly and I squealed. He laughed loudly, attracting attention from the people around us. 

 

"You nearly gave me a heart attack! Asshole."I smacked him but he started looking through clothes as well. We fell into synchronized movements, scanning over clothes and asking for each others opinion. Phil would hold up a brown dress shirt and I crinkled my nose. I would show him blue suede pants and he'd gag. I'd hand him a blazer and in return, he'd give me a shirt he thought I would look good in. It was kind of freaky how good we worked together. We nick picked at everything until our arms couldn't hold more.

 

"Boys! I found some things for you, Dan, to try on." Even more clothes were given to us by our mothers and we waddled to the changing rooms. There wasn't anyone else around so it was okay to talk out loud. "I have no idea how I'm going to be able to try all this on," I yelled from my stall to his next door. I looked through my mother's selection and picked out the best. Combination after combination, mixing and matching. I had to catch my breath at some point and I sat defeatedly staring at the pile of clothes that still awaited me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

 

Looking at your true form was weird. A completely (almost) naked version of yourself you rarely ever looked at or thought of but it was there. It was the real you, no clothes to cover it up. I understood intimacy that way. Once you've seen someone naked, it's like saying "take it or leave it but this is me." I wasn't bad looking by any means but I could see the pudge forming around my waistline when I sat down. The faint, white stretch marks on my ass and hips. Is this what others see? I shook my head in frustration. It was never good for me to overthink my body. When I was younger I had been on the verge of disordered eating and anything to do with mirrors slightly triggered me.

 

I grabbed a random pair of pants and tried them on to distract myself. What I hadn't noticed was that they were in the discarded pile that consisted of either too ugly for me or wrong size. These fell in the latter but I didn't realize until I forcefully pulled them halfway up my ass before realizing they were way too tight. Desperately tugging at them wasn't working and I was on the floor, almost crying tears of frustration.

 

"Hey, Dan, you almost done in there?" How had he finished so early? Nevermind, there was a more important task at hand. It would be absolutely mortifying if Phil came in here to help or even if staff had to come. "Are you okay?" He knocked repeatedly on my door. "I'm okay!" I said between pants. In fact, I wasn't okay because the pants would not budge and I was left on the floor contemplating asking for help.

 

"Actually Phil? I seem to be having a bit of a problem here, uh, I seem to be..." I really don't want to say it. "I'm stuck in a pair of pants." Phil's laugh resonated throughout the fitting room. If my cheeks were nay redder, I'd have to compete with a tomato. "Just get in here and help me!" I yelled out and unlocked the door. I tried to save the last shred of dignity by pitifully hiding behind the door but it was no use. Once Phil saw me he started laughing even more. "Shut up and help me!"

 

His laugh dwindled down to a chuckle and he came behind, clearly taking it all in. "I never thought the first time I'd see you half naked would be like this. Not that I'm complaining," he winked and smirked. Phil's stare lasted a bit longer than was comfortable. "Enjoying the view or are you gonna help?" Only my head turned back to face him while my back was still facing him and I fluttered my eyelashes seductively at him so I could make him uncomfortable. You have to understand that he wasn't the only who flirted on a regular basis.

 

He raised his eyebrow and shook his head before tugging my jeans down, mind you, he was still behind me. Even if it was unbuttoned and unzipped, my ass wouldn't let go. He tried a few more times and I just rolled my eyes; that obviously wasn't going to work. "Alright, sit down on the bench then and I'll grab the pant legs." I sat down, with my legs raised, staring at him. I horribly thought how much this looked like the plot line to a bad porno.

 

"Shit!" He grabbed the pant legs and pulled harder. "How do you even manage to get stuck in a pair of pants anyways!" His breathing was ragged. His shirt was also riding up, exposing his soft-looking milky white skin. If he didn't stop looking so fucking hot soon, I'd have to resort to thinking about my grandma.

 

"Not my fault I have a fat ass!"

 

Phil stopped to take a breath and he swiped the off his brow as the room was incredibly stuffy. "In another situation, I'd commend you for having a nice ass, not today." I gasped, shocked by his words. He thought I had a nice ass! Really, I knew my ass was top notch but he had a girlfriend! I didn't want to be that person!

 

"You have a girlfriend, Lester! Eyes up here, sweetheart," I growled at him because I was still very much stuck in a pair of pants. He chuckled darkly but was soon tugging again. So hard it felt like it would burn my skin. I closed my eyes, not wanting to meet Phils eyes in this incredibly embarrassing moment. Finally, I felt it loosen a little and my eyes shot open in excitement. "It's moving! Keep pulling Phil!" I shouted breathlessly. The pants reached halfway down my thigh before they gave in and slipped off. I sighed loudly in relief that it was over.I peeked over at Phil who was seated in the corner catching his breath, eyes half closed and looking at me.

 

"That was mortifying," I mumbled. "You're welcome Howell." He stood up and brushed himself off. His eyes traveled up and down my body unashamedly with an undetectable smirk. I ignored him and proceeded to slip on my actual pants, making it a point to turn around and stick out my ass just for his viewing pleasure. He glanced up to meet my eyes when I did that but I just looked at him innocently and it was his turn to look away.

 

Gathering all the clothes I had brought in, I brushed past him and out the door, Phil right behind me. "What would you liketo keep Sir?" The employee attending the fitting room looked between Phil and me like he was in on a secret. "If you did actually try on clothes, am I right?" He then winked at Phil who was still breathing heavily. I realized what he implying and my face was red for the thousandth time that day.

 

"I did, actually, try on clothes!" I shoved the giant pile in his arms and marched away, not bothering to keep the clothes I had liked. Phil stayed behind, smiling and laughing with the employee. I was fuming. "Oops, got to go. I think someone's getting jealous," he said loud enough for me to hear. I scoffed and turned on my heel, walking away from the scene. As if.

 

Phil caught up with me and his hand lightly grabbed my waist from the opposite side so his arm was wrapped me. I didn't pull away, it felt nice.

 

"Let's go find our moms."

 

"Not a word about this."

 

"My lips are sealed."

 

An ugly feeling brewed inside of me. All this flirting wasn't real. Eventually, I'd have to remember Phil was straight and I wasn't and we were both marrying different woman. But he didn't realize what he was doing to me.


	9. midnight visits

"Goodnight Daniel." 

 

"Goodnight Father, Mother." 

 

I turned down towards my hallway, sleep overtaking me. The floor creaked beneath my feet as I walked towards my bed. I peeled off my shirt and pants, leaving only my boxers to sleep in. It had been a very long day. Even though I was already 24, Mother dragged me around all day, a lesson this, tutor that. And that wasn't the worst, Father recently started forcing me to go to meetings with him. He's been telling me I'm going to be the next CEO of his multimillion law firm. I was at the top of my class when I graduated law school because I knew that's what my parents wanted (this was also around the time Emily ran off with her hippie boyfriend). That didn't mean I wanted to do it. When I was small, I had dreams of being a writer but my parents quickly laughed at the idea. 

 

In short, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes once my head hit the pillow and let the down blankets and comforter suffocate me in luxury. The distance tick-tock of the clock lulled me to sleep until my breathing evened out and the first trickles of a dreamlike state entered my mind. I was pulled under by sleep but a soft, continuous clicking sound at my window pulled me back. I ignored and blamed the wind and welcomed sleep with open arms but it was incessant. 

 

I groaned loudly and climbed out annoyed. Standing below was an incredible sight: Phil in bright Star Wars pajamas and a white t-shirt. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't still dreaming but he was still there, clear as day.

 

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I shouted incredulously.

 

"Shh! Would you keep it down?! I don't want anyone to know I'm here." He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He looked extremely adorable but I was still confused. "Can you please just let me in?" Phil half shouted back up st me.

 

"Ugh, okay hold on." I tiptoed my way through my hallway and down the stairs though there weren't anyone's rooms up here except my own. I was still wary though.I kept an eye out for staff and the occasional security guard. Georges room was also right next to the stairs but he was a heavy sleeper. I knew they wouldn't dare say anything to my parents, still, I was on edge. What would they say about Phil being here in the middle of the night? Sure, I've had more than my fair share of people led into my room at ungodly hours to do not so innocent things but with Phil, it was a whole different story. Not only did everybody know he had a girlfriend but he wasn't just a commoner. 

 

Whatever, it's not like it mattered. I knew we didn't like each other like that and I wasn't about to play myself. I softly padded throughout the silent house and unlocked the back door that staff usually used. "Phil! It's open over here !" Phil rounded the corner with a sheepish smile on his face. Even in the dark, the moonlight made his milky skin and black hair shine. I moved out of the way and gestured for him to come inside and I just rolled my eyes. 

 

"Okay, what're you doing here?" I questioned. "This had better be a valid reason too, I hate my sleep being interrupted." I crossed my arms in front of my chest in annoyance. Phil didn't say anything for awhile and slowIy brought my arms down.  "I, uh, this is going to sound so pathetic," he softly said while his hand rubbed the back of his neck. I immediately regretted being annoyed. He looked so vulnerable standing in my kitchen, all awkward and small. 

 

"No, no, it's okay. Tell me," I approached him carefully. He finally looked up when I was less than a foot away from him and he cleared his throat. "I'm going through some, difficult, times lately," Phil ran a hand through his already messy hair, "I just...I don't know what to think anymore." I shut him by laying my finger over his lips and he looked up surprised. "Don't speak right now. I know what to do." I smiled warmly at him. "You go ahead upstairs, go left and it's the third door to the right." He nodded but he gave me a confused smile.  

 

Meanwhile, I went to the freezer and dug up some strawberry cheesecake and cookie dough ice cream. I got crisps from the cupboard and a couple of spoons. With, my arms full, I slowly walked up the stairs towards my room. I really hoped this would make him feel better. I may be an asshole but I did know how to cheer someone up. I opened the door to find Phil looking at the family pictures on my wall. They were old portraits of ancestors and I never really paid them much attention but he hadn't even stopped staring at them when I came in. 

 

"I'm here! I brought snacks so we can eat our feelings," I exclaimed. He pulled away and looked wide eyed at all the food I brought. "It's the middle of the night! This stuff is going straight to our thighs," Phil joked. "Your fault for coming so late, we're still eating." I laid everything out my bed and hopped on. He climbed on as well, careful not to move anything, and he instantly reached for the cheesecake ice cream. 

 

He grabbed a spoon and started gorging himself. After a few hefty spoonfuls of ice creams did he stop to rest. The whole I was watching amusedly and I ad barely touched my ice cream on account of being too distracted by his adorableness. His mouth was covered in ice cream and I wanted so badly to reach over and wipe it off but I managed to control my impulses. I leaned back against my headboard casually and looked at a slumped over Phil. 

 

"So I'm guessing you didn't come here to eat and creepily stare at pictures of my ancestors? What's on your mind?" I continued eating out of the bag of crisps in my hand. His easy-going facial expression quickly changed into one I couldn't decipher. I waited patiently. 

 

"It's just, Moms really been pressuring me to marry Reyna but... I'm not even sure I want to. She's perfectly fine, she's pretty, she has money, she's single. I just don't want to make a mistake marrying her, you know?" My heart dropped. So this had to do with his love life. I nodded understandingly despite the vile taste in my mouth. Because I did know where he was coming from, I was in a similar situation myself. "But I also worry she's not for me. We don't even have anything in common! Not to mention, she's clingy as hell," he rolled his eyes exasperatedly and started eating again. I listened patiently while he ranted, I even laughed along at the clingy part because that's what friends do. 

 

"Do you love her?" 

 

He stopped for a moment. "I don't think so." He shook his head. 

 

"Then? If she's not for you then why put yourself through that? I'm sure you could find someone else, you're good looking, it shouldn't be hard for you," I said melancholy. It was advice I could follow for myself but it was much more complicated than that. 

 

I looked up and I saw a smirking Phil looking right back at me. "You think I'm good looking?" I rolled my eyes and glared. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here." He just smirked smugly and went back to eating. 

 

We didn't say anything about it after just continued chattering and laughing, and eating until we were both passed out on my bed with food comas. Just like friends do. The soft sounds of the T.V. played in the background until I finally got the rest I needed. It was the most fun I've had in awhile.


	10. infatuation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw!

danny: i should rly get to bed im exhausted

 

;( phil: good sex, huh? ;)

 

danny: no! father had me go to meetings ALL DAY if i have to listen to one more person talk about investments and clients im slitting somebody's throat

 

danny: anyways gn bby 

 

;( phil: actually I was wondering if i could stay over tonight? 

 

danny: ughhhhh fine, y tho

 

;( phil: cant stand being around reyna one more second

 

danny: honestly just dump her then! come over but no funny business! im tired 

 

;( phil: cant! omw :))))

 

Phil and I have been texting nonstop the past week since we went shopping. It was nice to talk somebody other than my parents and staff. So far, Phil's only come over twice, including the night we gorged ourselves to a coma. The last one, we just watched a movie and went straight to sleep but I had woke up in his arms somehow even if I didn't remember ever being there. He hadn't mentioned it and neither have I. His visits have been unsuspecting so far. Nobody but the staff knew and we wanted to keep it that way. Not that it was bad for him to come over but I hated drawing attention from my parents and this was a sure fire way to do it. 

 

I waited by the usual door we met up at and soon he was showing up with a backpack and a blanket in tow. He smiled mischievously at me as I shook my head playfully. I really didn't mind him staying over; it was comforting actually, that he sought me for a place to rest but when he was here I barely got rest. I was always painfully aware of his presence, his breathing, his warmth. More than one occasion had our legs tangled up together and each time my skin was on fire and chest painfully constricted. Many times had I tried to convince him to sleep in one of the various guestrooms but he denied me saying "he wouldn't be able to sleep well alone." So I was stuck sharing a bed and sleep deprived.  

 

"I'm going straight to bed, just so you know," I said matter-of-factly. Phil shrugged indifferently. "I came here to sleep. Don't think I just came here to see you, you conceited shit," he laughed jokingly. I threw myself face first into my down comforters that swallowed my face whole. Phil's shuffling was loud enough to help me stay awake though I was tempted to just fall asleep. 

 

"Phil-" I faced the direction of his noise and stopped mid sentence when I saw he was changing out in the open. Of course, I'd seen him change before when he was shirtless or something but now he standing in front of me in all his glory, back towards me. He was muscular but firm and lean with just the right amount of bones protruding. His ass was definitely round and smooth like I had imagined. I wanted to reach out and touch it. Phil didn't seem to notice me staring yet so I kept observing him. He pulled on a pair of underwear and I watched his back muscles ripple over his milky white skin. His back was dotted with constellation forming freckles.

 

"I know you're staring, Howell."

 

My eyes widened. He caught me off guard. I didn't even see he was completely changed and sitting at the edge of the bed. "It's okay, I'd stare too," he said snarkily.

 

"You got a nice ass, Lester." It was my turn to smirk and I turned onto my side, facing away from Phil. He shuffled under the sheets next to me. I didn't waste much time drifting off to sleep for the what seems the hundredth time that day but something, rather someone, woke me right up. I listened closely to Phil's breathing to see if he was asleep and surely he was. I knew for a fact he was a deep sleeper so why were his hands caressing my hips?

 

Phil's fingers brushed over my protruding hipbones almost subtly, his thumb forming small circles. I didn't pull away; it felt way too good. I bit my lip as they slowly crawled upwards and down my sides softly, smoothing out my skin. His hands slipped undershirt so he gently laid his fingertips right below my chest. I was o n fucking  f i r e. It felt sinfully good to be touched by someone else after weeks of abstaining from any sex, especially if that person was a certain blue eyed boy. I pressed my backside into him a little more careful not wake him up. He suddenly splayed his hand over chest and pushed himself to be flush against my back. I suppressed the urge to moan. This moment was just too good to be true. The heat radiating off of me was too great to stand and I felt like passing out. I really needed to get laid.

-

I woke up to Phil's hot breath fanning over my neck and his hand gingerly laying on my lower abdomen. I gently pushed him off and softly climbed out of bed when I noticed I felt sticky between my legs and crotch.

 

Fuck, I came in my sleep. Was it because of Phil? Please let it be of my own accord and not because I was fantasizing about him.

 

The cold shower ran down my back harshly but I deserved it. Who the hell cums with their best friend sleeping right next to them?! Were we best friends? I didn't really know what we were at this point. I never had many friends in the first place. We certainly weren't ever going to be together seeing he had a fucking girlfriend! I think it was safe to say we were best friends. 

 

- 

 

"Sometimes I pretend I'm in a land filled with trees when I look up. Like a jungle maybe and I'm lying on the canopy." Phil was facing away from me with a dazed expression.The sun peeking through the leaves glinted in his eyes, all bright and shiny and doe-eyed. I took him to a small clearing. It was bright and filled with memories from my childhood but I didn't come here anymore. 

 

Just seeing Phils face light up with wonder made me want to reach over and kiss him until my lips were numb. After my little incident a few days ago, I've been fighting with myself to be more distant but it was nearly impossible with Phil coming over all the time. His slight touch was constant but subtle. The flirting I couldn't take anymore. The sleeping in the same bed, oh God. If I didn't want to have my heart broken, I had to set boundaries; they were so hard to keep. I am convincing myself it's just an infautuation. I blamed it on my high sex drive and the fact I hadn't gotten laid since I met him. 

 

I didn't love him, yet. 


	11. infatuation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw!

danny: i should rly get to bed im exhausted

 

;( phil: good sex, huh? ;)

 

danny: no! father had me go to meetings ALL DAY if i have to listen to one more person talk about investments and clients im slitting somebody's throat

 

danny: anyways gn bby 

 

;( phil: actually I was wondering if i could stay over tonight? 

 

danny: ughhhhh fine, y tho

 

;( phil: cant stand being around reyna one more second

 

danny: honestly just dump her then! come over but no funny business! im tired 

 

;( phil: cant! omw :))))

 

Phil and I have been texting nonstop the past week since we went shopping. It was nice to talk somebody other than my parents and staff. So far, Phil's only come over twice, including the night we gorged ourselves to a coma. The last one, we just watched a movie and went straight to sleep but I had woke up in his arms somehow even if I didn't remember ever being there. He hadn't mentioned it and neither have I. His visits have been unsuspecting so far. Nobody but the staff knew and we wanted to keep it that way. Not that it was bad for him to come over but I hated drawing attention from my parents and this was a sure fire way to do it. 

 

I waited by the usual door we met up at and soon he was showing up with a backpack and a blanket in tow. He smiled mischievously at me as I shook my head playfully. I really didn't mind him staying over; it was comforting actually, that he sought me for a place to rest but when he was here I barely got rest. I was always painfully aware of his presence, his breathing, his warmth. More than one occasion had our legs tangled up together and each time my skin was on fire and chest painfully constricted. Many times had I tried to convince him to sleep in one of the various guestrooms but he denied me saying "he wouldn't be able to sleep well alone." So I was stuck sharing a bed and sleep deprived.  

 

"I'm going straight to bed, just so you know," I said matter-of-factly. Phil shrugged indifferently. "I came here to sleep. Don't think I just came here to see you, you conceited shit," he laughed jokingly. I threw myself face first into my down comforters that swallowed my face whole. Phil's shuffling was loud enough to help me stay awake though I was tempted to just fall asleep. 

 

"Phil-" I faced the direction of his noise and stopped mid sentence when I saw he was changing out in the open. Of course, I'd seen him change before when he was shirtless or something but now he standing in front of me in all his glory, back towards me. He was muscular but firm and lean with just the right amount of bones protruding. His ass was definitely round and smooth like I had imagined. I wanted to reach out and touch it. Phil didn't seem to notice me staring yet so I kept observing him. He pulled on a pair of underwear and I watched his back muscles ripple over his milky white skin. His back was dotted with constellation forming freckles.

 

"I know you're staring, Howell."

 

My eyes widened. He caught me off guard. I didn't even see he was completely changed and sitting at the edge of the bed. "It's okay, I'd stare too," he said snarkily.

 

"You got a nice ass, Lester." It was my turn to smirk and I turned onto my side, facing away from Phil. He shuffled under the sheets next to me. I didn't waste much time drifting off to sleep for the what seems the hundredth time that day but something, rather someone, woke me right up. I listened closely to Phil's breathing to see if he was asleep and surely he was. I knew for a fact he was a deep sleeper so why were his hands caressing my hips?

 

Phil's fingers brushed over my protruding hipbones almost subtly, his thumb forming small circles. I didn't pull away; it felt way too good. I bit my lip as they slowly crawled upwards and down my sides softly, smoothing out my skin. His hands slipped undershirt so he gently laid his fingertips right below my chest. I was o n fucking  f i r e. It felt sinfully good to be touched by someone else after weeks of abstaining from any sex, especially if that person was a certain blue eyed boy. I pressed my backside into him a little more careful not wake him up. He suddenly splayed his hand over chest and pushed himself to be flush against my back. I suppressed the urge to moan. This moment was just too good to be true. The heat radiating off of me was too great to stand and I felt like passing out. I really needed to get laid.

-

I woke up to Phil's hot breath fanning over my neck and his hand gingerly laying on my lower abdomen. I gently pushed him off and softly climbed out of bed when I noticed I felt sticky between my legs and crotch.

 

Fuck, I came in my sleep. Was it because of Phil? Please let it be of my own accord and not because I was fantasizing about him.

 

The cold shower ran down my back harshly but I deserved it. Who the hell cums with their best friend sleeping right next to them?! Were we best friends? I didn't really know what we were at this point. I never had many friends in the first place. We certainly weren't ever going to be together seeing he had a fucking girlfriend! I think it was safe to say we were best friends. 

 

- 

 

"Sometimes I pretend I'm in a land filled with trees when I look up. Like a jungle maybe and I'm lying on the canopy." Phil was facing away from me with a dazed expression.The sun peeking through the leaves glinted in his eyes, all bright and shiny and doe-eyed. I took him to a small clearing. It was bright and filled with memories from my childhood but I didn't come here anymore. 

 

Just seeing Phils face light up with wonder made me want to reach over and kiss him until my lips were numb. After my little incident a few days ago, I've been fighting with myself to be more distant but it was nearly impossible with Phil coming over all the time. His slight touch was constant but subtle. The flirting I couldn't take anymore. The sleeping in the same bed, oh God. If I didn't want to have my heart broken, I had to set boundaries; they were so hard to keep. I am convincing myself it's just an infautuation. I blamed it on my high sex drive and the fact I hadn't gotten laid since I met him. 

 

I didn't love him, yet. 


	12. sexting p. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw!

The day was unbelievably hot. The sun pounded mercilessly on our face while we were taking an evening walk by the lake. Phil has almost been here every day for the past two weeks, leaving occasionally to get clothes or to meet up with his parents. Reyna had been away for a few weeks to her home in Milan but she was due back today. Phil didn't seem as enthusiastic as other days nor he was he as flirty. I longed for his warm touch again but so far I had been good with sticking to my boundaries. 

 

As much as it was hot, the lake helped cool things down. The water sparkled brilliantly; it looked so inviting. "Wanna go for a swim? I've been dying to swim." I suddenly asked out loud. Phil smiled warmly in the sunlight. "I thought you'd never ask." He began towards the edge of the water where some ducks were picking at food. "Wait, I know a place." 

 

I took his smooth hand in mine and led the way to a small pool-like extension to the lake hidden by green foliage and ivy. I pushed it aside to reveal clear blue water waiting to be dipped in. Like the clearing, I used to come here all the time. I don't anybody else knew about this place except maybe for gardeners. "I like your house. It has little mysteries I'm always uncovering." Phil was quick to take off his button up shirt and was starting to unbutton his trousers as well. I started too, not wanting to be left behind. I turned and saw Phil fucking Lester, ass naked, knee deep in the water.

 

"Come on! Take off your clothes already, geez," he yelled over at me. I eyed him expectantly until he got the gist. He nodded curtly and turned around so he wouldn't see. I didn't have a problem with nudism but he didn't fancy being naked in front of a potential crush. Especially not one that looked better in so many more ways.

 

"Can I look now?"

 

"No! Wait until I'm inside."

 

"That's what he said."

 

"Your corny jokes are not appreciated."

 

"Oh come off it, that one doesn't get old. Why can't I look though? Ugh, we both have the same junk."

 

Maybe thats why I don't want you to see.

 

"Wait, will you!?"

 

I waded into the lukewarm pool, slowly, until it was up to my stomach. The liquid waded just above my crotch and I checked to see if anything was visible but the water that had looked clear, wasn't really.

 

"Okay, now you can look."

 

Phil rolled his eyes at my precautions and swam in deeper. I followed suit. I dunked my below water and let it surround me. The quietness underneath the surface was loud as blood rushed to my ears. I fought the water so I could stay down longer but I was interrupted by a tug at my leg. I jerked it back immediately and ran as fast I could out the water. Phil surfaced to the water howling with laughter. A chilly breeze picked up and ran over my dripping, naked, body. I shivered violently. My hands reached down to cover what I could. 

 

"That was not fucking okay on so many levels, Philip Lester! I'll get you back, wait on it!" 

 

"That...was hil-hilarious," Phil spurted out between chuckles. Fucking hell, he was doing that tongue thing too. "You ran like a chicken!" 

 

Red flashed before my eyes and suddenly I was charging towards him. The water slowed me down but I was hungry for revenge. I shoved him under and struggled under the water. I wasn't sure what exactly my revenge was going to be but I will say shoving him felt pretty damn good. He splashed water at me in an attempt to keep me at bay. I just sent a wave of my own his way. We were both giggling like schoolchildren. 

 

Strong hands got me by hips and Phil pulled me flush to his body. His hair was wet and slick and dripping. Droplets of water clung to lean body. His chest was pressing up against mine with each labored breath. The sexual tension was thick and tense, at least from my end. "Guess I won." 

 

-

 

That is it. I needed to relieve my pent up sexual tension if I wanted to stop acting like a crush-ridden schoolgirl around Phil. Maybe then I'd get over my infatuation with him. Because thats all it is, a crush, I don't even like him. Okay, maybe a little but I didn't love him, did I? 

 

I was no stranger to the world of sexting. Plenty of websites offered you dozens of other people looking for somebody lonely to sext. So that's what I did. My cock was already hard easily due to all this sexual tension I've had to go through lately.

 

I browsed through multiple pages of gays guys, looking for a decent option. Some of these were ridiculous though.

 

BigCockDaddy

CumSlutFuck

Gangbang696969

 

You'd be stupid to use your real name in these sites but these were so douchey. Their profile pics were probably a little too obscene but what was I expecting out of a porn site. After 15 minutes of searching, my hard-on had died down a little but I was determined to make this happen. Finally, I came across a decent profile with a black picture and the name of DaddyPL. I mean his name still wasn't that good but it was a nice step up from the rest. I clicked on the chat button.

 

dhslut: wanna talk? 

 

DaddyPL: sure bby ;) whats your kik

 

dhslut: cant we just do it through here?

 

DaddyPL: id rather do it through text if thats alright with u

 

dhslut: okay its the same as the one here

 

[on kik]

 

daddypml: send nudes

 

 

 

dhslut: [Image Sent]

 

daddypml: move the covers

 

dhslut: someones eager ;)

 

dhslut: [Image Sent]

 

daddypml: mmm my cocks so hard thinking about you bby touch urself for me

 

His words were sent straight to the ever-growing bulge in my pants. I tentatively palmed myself through the layers of clothing. A soft moan stumbled out of my mouth. I didn't stop teasing myself until my phone went off with notifications again.

 

daddypml: i hope you're not answering because you're being a good little boy for me

 

dhslut: yea daddy I am, my cock is waiting for you

 

daddypml: send me a pic of u fingering ur little hole for me bby

 

I immediately complied. I yanked all my clothes off and reached for the bottles of lube I kept in the nightstand. I squirted lube on my middle finger and reached between my legs while I was on my back. Gently, my finger pushed past the tight ring of muscles until I was up to my knuckle. A soft grunt pushed past my lips as I pumped the sole finger in and out, prepping my hole for another. I added more lube to my hands and pushed in another finger. Soon, I was scissoring myself relentlessly, moans stumbling out. I buckled into my fingers, wanting more. 

 

daddypml: you doing good sweety?

 

I had temporarily forgotten about the man on the other side. I positioned the camera at arm's length, wary not to show my face, and took a picture of me pumping my fingers inside of me. The thought of a stranger getting off to pictures of me fucking myself made me filled with new lust.

 

dhslut: [Image Sent]

 

daddypml: u look so good fucking yourself baby boy, my cocks so hard for u

 

A risky thought crossed my mind.

 

Should we meet up?

 

It wouldn't be the first time I have used this site to hook up with normal people. I very much needed to be laid. My cock was red and leaking against my stomach. My fingers carefully tapped the screen.

 

dhslut: wanna meet up somewhere so we can finish this?

 

It took some time for him to respond. I finally saw the texting bubble pop up beside his name.

 

daddypml: where?

 

Excitwment surged through my body and giddily typed up my response.

 

dhslut: you live around me right?

 

daddyslut: i think so,, u showed up in the people around you feature so

 

dhslut: parking lot of westfield shopping centre in 10 min

 

daddypml: im driving a white maserati, back building, see you there sweety ;)

 

I was about to fuck some stranger in the same mall I was "flirting" with Phil just a few weeks ago.

 

Phil.

 

It felt like I was cheating but we were never even a thing. I wanted so bad to get over him. Thats why I was here right? Nothing wrong in a hookup. Quickly, I put on gray sweatpants and a somewhat faded Versace crew neck.

 

I bounded down spirals of stairs to the black and white lounge, catching the attention of a valet nearby. "Excuse me, prep my car, please. I'm going out." The valet nodded curtly and I paced back and forth on the woven rug. The bulge I had earlier died down considerably but my lusty mood was still present.

 

My black Audi R8 pulled into and I quickly took it from my valet's hands with quick thanks. I all but flew down to the shopping centre. A trip that was supposed to take me 10 minutes was turned into five. I circled the parking lot looking for a Maserati in the dark, considering the sun was setting. A bunch of other luxury cars were parked but no Maseratis. I went all the way to the back until finally, the car pulled into view. I was filled with new determination as I put the car into park. I hadn't even taken a look at the person in the car out of nervousness. 

 

A sharp tap resonated from my side window and I snapped my head up to be met with black hair, diamond sharp features, and eyes the color of swimming pools.


	13. sexting p. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw!

"Fancy seeing you here."

 

"Could say the same thing to you."

 

I glanced downwards and started drumming my fingers nervously against my wheel. "So, what are you doing here?" I asked.

 

"I was supposed to be meeting someone right now."

 

"What a..." I said slowly. looking at the car Phil had just gotten out of. "Coincidence." A white Maserati. I swallowed thickly and my car was suddenly a thousand degrees hotter. My brain was at a standstill. Was he daddypml? Oh fuck, I didn't even want to know but I was dying to know.

 

I looked up through the gap between my tinted window and the roof of my car to meet his eyes nervously. "Are you... uh, DaddyPL?" My gaze quickly fixated itself on my dashboard again. I bit my lips anxiously. Part of me really wanted it to be him but the other side knew this would be a mistake. I didn't even know what I would say if it were, it's not like we could have sex. He had a girlfriend at home. My chest constricted with my heavy breathing, almost to the edge of panic. Phil still hadn't answered.

 

I looked at him once more and his whole face read as shocked. His eyes were wide as saucers and go mouth hung slightly open as if I had told him I had cancer. "No...it can't be," Phil said quietly as if it were only meant for his ears. He held my state steadily and pointed lazily at me. "Are you dhslut?" He asked tentatively. So it was him. Shit, never in a million years had I guessed I would ever be in a position this fucking awkward. But shit like this only happens to me.

 

I nodded my head dismissively, though he didn't even need my user, he already knew. His hand smoothed over the back of his neck and he gave me a strange look. "So, are we gonna do this or what?" I snapped my head his direction and my jaw dropped so low, I thought it would touch the ground. "I mean, that's why we came here for, didn't we?" He continued. Not once did his eyes leave mine.

 

My lips were abused and bleeding by now. I thought about the consequences this would bring the both of us but then again, isn't this what I wanted? He was willing to give it to me and I was not then prepared. Suddenly. I was very aware of the precome soaking my underwear and what I had shown him earlier. My cheeks burned brightly, Phil had already seen me in all my glory. Fuck it, I'm fucking Phil Lester.

 

"Let's do this," I said fully opening my door and pushing back the two front seats. I gave him a shaking smile and he darkly smirked back. I scooted over to the passenger seat of my expensive car to make room for phone and he happily sat next to me.

 

"Hey, if you don't want to do this we don't have to." A genuine smile broke out on my face. Fucking Phil Lester, always being a gentleman. "I'm sure." His arm snakes around my waist and held me firmly until he climbed on top of my lap and ground his hips down rough. My mouth flew open in pleasure, emitting small gasps every time he pushed down. His lo is ghosted over and around my lips but he didn't really kiss me until I forcefully grabbed his head and took matters into my own hands. It hasn't been the sweet, innocent kiss I had envisioned having with Phil the first time, no, this one was a rude awakening, so lust ridden. A kiss reserved only for mistakes. With each bounce of his thighs against mine, the deeper and whoreish the kid turned. Saliva exchanging and tongue dancing in my mouth.

 

I was a leaking, dripping mess when he pulled back for the first time in a long time. "Let's do this at your house." I didn't even think twice about it as I turned on the ignition and drifted out the parking lot to my house. Phil's palm never left my bulge for one second until we got to my house. We both snuck in through the usual door he came in the staff kitchen door.

 

My hands flew to my sweatshirt once I stepped through my bedroom door and pulled it over my head. Phil was ahead of me though as his trousers were already off. My hands roamed all over his pale skin hungrily, my fingers at the edge of his underwear. His lips smoothed over my neck and sucked right where my collarbone and my neck met. Soft moans led me and he chuckled. "I knew you were sensitive there!"

 

"You're such a dork." I chuckled alongside him but my hands never his body. He sucked harder, surely making a mark. He didn't stop for the longest time and with each second that passed, the needier got. I started grinding myself on him but he grabbed back my hips so they could stay in place.

 

"I'm gonna make you feel so good." I threw the little caution had before out the window and groaned deeply. Phil pulled down my the only late between and motions for to stand up. He immediately got onto his knees and let his breath fan over my aching cock. "Phil, please." My breathing was ragged and heavy.

 

"Please what baby boy?" I let out a whoreish moan at the pet name. It did make sense he had a daddy link judging on his usernames. It felt weird to beg but at the same time, it was the sexiest thing I ever heard. "Please, daddy, touch me."

 

He didn't need to be told twice before he licked my tip where precum was already leaking out. He took me in with no problem. His tongue swirled around me expertly. I wasn't going to last 5 minutes like this. I clutched his hair hard and tugged. His moans vibrated against my cock and I wanted to cum immediately. I tugged even harder when I felt myself hitting the back of his throat with minimal gagging. My eyes rolled to the back of my head.  My mouth hung open and I couldn't produce any more house by how entranced I was. He must've done this before, it felt too good for a beginner.

 

"I-I'm gonna cum, daddy." He pulled away with a trail of saliva connecting from my tip to his lips. The sight its self was sinful. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes were teary and his hair ruffled. It was too hot to be true. "Wait just a little bit more baby. Get on the bed for me, okay?" He crawled on top of me and licked his lips. "Wait, I don't think a should...go all the way." Though I was extremely needy for him, we wet cheating. This wasn't supposed to happen. The guilt would probably catch up to me sooner or late but at the moment, all I wanted was to cum.

 

"How do you feel about eating ass?" I smirked at him. "It's my specialty," Phil smirked back and turned around to stick his ass in the air. I propped myself up with down pillows. So I didn't have to reach up. My tongue laid over his pink hole. I didn't think to describe Phil's moans as godly but they were. My tongue pushed past the tense muscles and went to work. "Fuck, Dan, you're so good."

 

His mouth went to my leaking cock again and deepthroated mercilessly. The pleasure we immeasurable. While I sucked and licked at his perfect asshole, my hand came up to caress his balls. Phil groaned deeply and pushed back against me. "O-oh, yes, fuck, I'm gonna cum," he yelled. He went down even deeper on my cock. I lifted my hips up and fucked his mouth. I started jerking him off in sync with my tongue.

 

My cock was uncontrollably throbbing against him. "Mmmm, I'm so close,  Phil! Fuck, daddy!" I jut my hips once more into his mouth before I came into his throat while his cum starts coating both my hand and stomach.  His asshole clenched spasmodically around my tongue. "Fu-fuck, Dan, you're so hot." He pulled off my me ceremoniously and plopped onto my bed. My breathing was still out of control. I was back g trouble catching air and I could see Phil doing the same.

 

When I could breathe properly again, I wiped myself down with the tissues lying on my bedside table. I handed some to Phil too. His mouth still my cum leaking out of his pink lips. He looked incredibly seductive and my cock twitched.

 

We just fucked, well not really but a had passed undeniable boundaries in our friendship. What did this mean for us? He couldn't be with me of course. Would I end up being the good fuck he called at three am? Would we even stay friends? Had I fucked this up even more? My heart wrenched thinking about only being a side bitch for him.

 

"We need to talk." I said after a long five minutes."

 

"I agree."


	14. afterwards

"We need to talk."

 

"I agree."

 

We didn't talk. Our uneven breaths were the only noise filling the void. How should  I approach this? Do I go straight into it and confess that I somewhat have feelings? Hey, I know this is inconvenient, but I kinda, sorta, maybe? like you? Nothing serious, I don't loovvee you...yet. I'd sound fucking ridiculous.

 

I clung the sheets tight to my chest to hide my shame. Phil cleared his throat. "Um, that was unexpected, I guess?" He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. I noticed it must be some tick of his.

 

"Yep, couldn't agree more."

 

"Look Dan..."

 

Here it fucking comes.

 

"I don't want this to affect our friendship."

 

And there it fucking is, he said the F word. Friends. "No, I totally understand. What with Reyna and all..." Fuck, I hadn't even considered Reyna. I should feel absolutely horrible for aiding a taken man cheat but very deep down, I really didn't care. I finally fucked Phil Lester. I had gotten what I wanted, why wasn't I satisfied? Why hadn't my infatuation died down? What if this simple crush I had on Phil really grown into something more? 

 

He groaned outwardly. "What have I gotten myself into?" I had a suspicion I wasn't supposed to hear that so I ignored it but it slightly hurt my feelings. Of course, I was a mistake. My nose and eyes stung slightly. Was I really going to cry? Maybe Phil meant more to me than I anticipated. He laid down next to me cautiously and unsure. His dark hair looked even darker when matted down against his forehead covered in sweat. I reached over and brushed it aside with gentle touches; afraid if  I touched him anymore, he'd run away from me forever.  I couldn't read his facial expression well but he seemed troubled. I went for his hand but he subtly moved it away. Maybe it was on purpose, maybe it was coincidence but my heart sunk a little lower. 

 

"Please don't tell anyone, nobody can know. We're still friends, I hope this doesn't get in the way." He swallowed loudly. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down.

 

I shook my head wildly in disbelief. "Well duh, you're not the only one who has a reputation to keep," I scoffed. He rolled out of bed and pulled on his underwear, steadily avoiding eye contact. I continued lying on my bed like a used rag doll. My eyesight focused forwards. I didn't know how much self-control I had at the moment. My mind was drifting away, I was becoming mentally detached. This has only happened once before. When my father had caught me in bed with a lawyer of his firm. We both agreed to never speak of it. In fact, Father is such a good actor, he still refuses to believe I'm anything but straight even after he witnessed my ass being pounded by a forty-year old.

 

I'd recognize the feeling anywhere. My brain was sending multiple signals to my nerves, and they would obey but an isolated part of my head hindered me from feeling human. Everything was dreamlike and hazy and all I wanted to do was sleep. My body heard Phil standing up. My ears registered his incoherent words but my brain wasn't listening. The sensors under my skin acknowledged when he bent down and softly brushed his lips on my forehead.

 

Some part of me picked up his last words before leaving. "I'm sorry, I still love you." Was it real or was I dreaming? 

 

-

 

Not one phone call or message. I was ignoring him, plain and simple. It was my own twisted way of saying "fuck you". I watched it happen. The calls deep into the night when I was staying up thinking about missed opportunities. An incessant stream of messages keeping disturbing me the first two days but they slowly trickled down to a few a day. Even when he simply sent good morning/night texts, my heart soared. Maybe he did care for me after all? We had a mutual agreement to stay friends but I couldn't bring myself to go through with it. Phil wasn't the first I've had sex with only for me to play hard to get but he was certainly something else.

 

Several of the staff and even George had been ordered to stay away from my room. I refused to go any more meetings with Father and Mother and I's afternoon tea every Wednesday was left to dust.  My parents never bothered to check on me which I was grateful for. I wasn't in any mood for their prying. They'd definitely know something was wrong by the state of my room. In the span of a week, trash accumulated behind my nightstand, clothes were thrown over everything in sight, the curtains had not been drawn in at least three days, and showering was out of the question for me. All I did was binge watch movies and masturbate. The charge on my phone had died days ago and I never bothered to charge it. I was scared of what I would do if it was turned on. 

 

Even if I did deny Phil, that hot night has kept awake for hours on end. It was the material for a thousand of my wank sessions. We didn't even go all the way and it was still better than most sex I've had, and that's a lot. I constantly fantasized about that night going further. Other times, I just pretend Phil had confessed feelings for me and we would proceed to cuddle and give each other gentle kisses. Nobody has had me more whipped than him.

 

I reached over for my unhealthy, never-ending supply of lube, tissues and random dildos beside me when a fast knocking was at my door. "I explicitly asked to be left alone. Does nobody know what that means?!"

 

"Uh, Sir, sorry to interrupt but someone is here to see you." Fuck, was it Phil? I immediately combed my unruly hair with spread fingers."What do they want?"

 

"Well I wanted to talk to you but obviously you enjoy being a hermit." That voice was familiar, it wasn't Phil's but I've heard it. A leggy, caramel skinned woman walks into the room. The last perosn I would expect to be setting foot in my room. Reyna. 


	15. the one i want

I was drifting away again. The fine line between reality and dreams faded. Sadly Phil was in both of them. My chest hurt like a bitch and I wondered if it was actually true you could die from an aching heart. My eyelids were droopy and my mind was heavy. I felt like I was under the influence of a thousand drugs all at once and they were slowly putting me into a coma. Just as I was on the brink of my sleep-induced coma, a knock sounded for the second time that day. I might've imagined it as it didn't sound again and I laid back once more.

 

"Dan! Please open the door, it's Phil." My eyes shot open and my heart starting pounding. It couldn't fucking be. Nonetheless, I ran to the door without a second thought and opened it. Phil immediately wrapped his arms around my torso and pulled me tight against him. I didn't respond immediately but soon I was burying my face in the crook of his neck and inhaled his familiar scent.

 

"I saw you, running." He panted, his face was flushed red.

 

I nodded stupidly. It was kind of embarrassing that he knew I ran like a coward. He pulled away and faced me head on. I pulled him inside and checked to see if someone had seen our interaction. 

 

"I'm so sorry," Phil blurted out. I shook my head. "It's fine, Phil you didn't do any-" He covered my mouth with his cold fingers.

 

"No, let me say this, please," he pleaded. I nodded slowly and let him carry on. "I have way too much to be sorry for. The past few days I've done nothing but feel sorry for myself. Sorry that I left. Sorry that I took you for granted. Sorry that I was too much of a bitch to come to terms with my feelings. But I will never be sorry for getting with you. When you didn't ever respond to phone calls, voicemails, texts, I just...I didn't want to lose you, someone that I truly cared about for the first time in my life. I think what I want to say is...I don't regret us. I...like you." It seemed like a weight of a thousand bricks fell off his shoulder and he breathed in deeply.

 

I was sure my face was blank. I couldn't actually feel it though. I couldn't feel anything. All vital signs had gone null and I probably looked undead. I was for sure dreaming again. Nothing I've experienced seemed real anymore so why would this be any different? I backed away and literally tried to pinch myself awake. When that didn't work, I turned to slap myself. Phil had been watching me with curious eyes but now he stepped forward. "Dan! Dan, what're you doing?"

 

He felt real. The skin covering his supposed flesh felt human enough. His grip was too tight for it to be my mind playing tricks on me. Phil's face though, it was definitely unreal. He didn't have soft features like most, he was all angles and crevices. Sharp cheekbones, glass eyes, arched eyebrows, supple lips, and feathered hair; I was so sure he wasn't human.

 

"Dan, please answer me," Phil pleaded. He was there, he was really here telling me how much he liked me. I wasn't making it up, it was true. I couldn't quite jump to conclusions yet though. "What about Reyna? I saw you...with her and-" I whispered.

 

"Actually Reyna was the one that convinced me to come here." In my mind, gears were whirring incessantly and brain signals were all over the place but my face stood blank. I gave him the satisfaction of an almost non-existent smile though.

 

"The kiss was a goodbye." Reyna stood almost regally behind Phil. With her impeccable poise and good looks, she was almost intimidating but I knew better. "I've been suspecting that something was going on between you two lately. Phil would never be home and since he doesn't know anybody else in this neighborhood, I was sure he was here. My suspicions were confirmed when I followed him here a few weeks ago and I saw you two talking. It's not hard to put two and two together."

 

"Why aren't you mad?" I tried to keep my voice steady but I couldn't help but feel a little shaken up.

 

"There's nothing to be mad about," Reyna said casually. "I knew from the beginning Phil didn't like me much though a girl can dream. That time you both ditched me, very rudely, at the restaurant I knew it wasn't going to work out with you in the picture. I don't like to hold grudges nor do I beg, so I'm not angry just slightly pissed. Besides, a little birdy told me Phil was gay anyway." 

 

"Bi, I'm bisexual," Phil added. Reyna rolled her eyes, "Okay, yeah, bi." The whole situation was kind of comical and I chuckled under my breath. They both looked at me weirdly and the weird chuckle turned into loud laughter. "What's so funny?" Reyna asked accusingly. I shook my head in wonder. "Nothing." 

 

She eyed me once more before turning to Phil. "I'll leave you two alone, I assume you'll have many things to talk about. We'll discuss our situation later. Goodbye Phil, Dan." And she effortlessly strutted out the room. 

 

"She's something, isn't she?" Phil said to fill the silence. The air was thick once again and I remembered how much heartache this man had actually brought upon me but like Reyna said a boy can dream. Though I didn't say anything, I moved over to the other side of my bed. Phil got the picture and sat down carefully. 

 

"We should talk for real this time." I nodded but didn't offer anything. "I really am sorry for leaving last time. I was put on the spot and I didn't know how to react, I'm so so so sorry." 

 

"Did you mean it?" My voice came soft and warbled, like I speaking on a radio. He stpped what he was doing and looked at me. "Mean what?" 

 

"Do you really like me?" He widened his big blue eyes and nodded feverishly. "Of course I do Dan, I wouldn't be here otherwise." 

 

"How can I be sure?" 

 

He bit his lip. "I'm not sure how I could show you, but maybe this will convince you." 

 

Phil leaned in, twisting his torso just so he could reach my lips. It was uncomfortable but I wouldn't want to pull away for the world. The first contact of skin was poisonous because I knew some way, somehow this would change the course of things between us. In a good way or bad way but there was no going back. The longer I let it settle in my bones that this was actually happening, the sweeter his poison tasted. I wanted more of it. I crawled over to his side by the edge of the bed, our lips barely separating. He cupped my jaw and pushed in further into me and I reciprocated. There was no rhythm, no beat, no one was leading. Just chaos reigning between us. 

 

I wanted more of him. 

 

My hands wandered over to the buttons of his shirt and undid them one by one. I was one the last button when he clasped his hand around mine. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were clouded darkly. "Are you sure?"

 

"Absolutely fucking positive." 

 

"If we do this, just know that I won't regret it nor did I regret it last time. I really do like you."

 

I nodded and smiled tenderly. "Come on you dork." And I pulled him down with me onto the bed.


	16. love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw!

It was nothing like last time. Lust was replaced for emotion and unsaid actions. Phil took his sweet time tracing his slender fingers across my body leaving a hot trail in its wake. The thought of those long, slender fingers somewhere else was enough to have me panting and half-hard in seconds. "Phil, please..." I groaned when he teasingly palmed the growing bulge in my pants.

 

"Please what, princess?" Fuck, blood ran straight to my cock at the pet name. I pointed and grinded against his stomach but he was unconvinced. "Use your words, baby."

 

"Please make me feel good, daddy." I bit my lip and batted my eyes sweetly. I knew that would push him over the edge. He laid me down, unexpectedly calm, and pressed hot kisses down my neck and ear. His breath fanned over me. The pressure was getting to be too much. I was growing childishly desperate. I savored the kisses and let them linger longer than necessary. I was really here and Phil was really here. I wasn't hallucinating nor did it feel like a film. It was physically happening and it was extremely overwhelming.

 

The lump that surely was growing in my throat led to thick tears tricking down the bridge of my nose. I brushed them away quickly but not before Phil caught on. He immediately stopped the kissing and palming and faced me head on. "What's wrong? Do you not want this? You can always say no, I respect that." He dried them up with his finger pads. I shook my head feverishly. Of course, I didn't want to stop. "No, doofus. It's just... I can't believe you actually like me back. That you're really here. With me."

 

Warm eyes and a bright smile were all I could see on Phil's face and it brightened up my insides like the Sun itself was shining inside of me.

 

"Yes, I am really here. And no, I'm not planning on leaving." He smiled once more and dipped his head back into my neck to leave marks of purple bruises. Our breathing picked up where we left off pretty quickly. Phil unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and slowly threw them to the side along my with my boxers and shirt. I was completely naked. And he was fully clothed while I was underneath him awaiting his every command. It was thrilling.

 

"Lube?" Phil asked. I pointed down at the floor where I had left it when I had tried to clear up my bed. With slicked up fingers and a reassuring smile, I was experiencing the most pleasure I had ever lived through in my life. Phil knew exactly what spots to press and when to move. His hands truly were magic. Meek noises slipped out of my mouth. I could barely even speak. I squirmed under his non-stop pressure.

 

"Phil, please."

 

"Not until you stop moving." I did but started once again when three of his fingers fucked into me relentlessly. "I can't! Please Phil, just fuck me! I want to feel your cock inside of me and pounding me until I can't move anymore," I whined out and bit my lip, looking dead into his eyes. His eyes darkened more. His arousal was very clear when he pressed down on my stomach with his hard-on grinding against it.

 

"Phiww." I sounded pathetic but I didn't care it was getting to be too much and I felt like I could cum in my pants just by hearing him groan deeply into my ear as he continued to grind. "Mm, such a good boy Dan, you'll get rewarded soon enough."

 

My eyes were squeezed shut but I heard his belt unbuckle and pants go down. I opened them and my breath caught. It was like I was seeing him for the first time. He straddled me high and mighty and I had to crane my neck to look at his lustful eyes. Strong arms held me down and it wasn't just infatuation I felt for this man. This feeling was warm, it caught in my throat, it made me want to cry all over again, my chest heaved with emotion. Maybe this was love? I didn't just want the sex, though it sounded good right about now, I wanted him to stay.


	17. l*ve

"What're we going to do Phil?"

 

We were shyly holding hands under the sunlit meadow. His hand was slightly sweaty but I didn't mind. The day was lined with puffy, white clouds adorning the sun while it softly filtered its golden light over our bodies. I yawned softly and laid my head on Phil's shoulder. Phil had woken me up early in the morning, claiming to be taking me out on a date but I could fall asleep right here.

 

"But I don't wannnaaa, it's too early." 

 

"C'mon, I want to take you out on a nice date."  His cute pout had won me over. 

 

There was a mutual understanding that we were trying to be together, whether be in secret or not. What had started out as a simple crush turned into infatuation...to love? It felt so weird to even say that in my head. 

 

L*ve. 

 

l o v e 

 

love

 

/love/

 

L O V E 

 

I was falling in love. 

 

"What're you thinking about?" 

 

"I don't know, things I guess." Only thinking about how fucking happy I am to be here with you at this very moment and contemplating how I'm falling in love with you. I decided against saying that aloud.

 

"You can tell me," Phil said playfully. 

 

"Yeah, I know, you dork." He grinned and leaned over my body to plant soft kisses all over my lips. It was pure and soft and my heart pooled into my stomach and my mind was fuzzy. He tasted so sweet. He had me wrapped up around his finger and he had no idea. 

 

Our foreheads and noses touched and I looked straight into his eyes. I wanted to say it. It was at the tip of my tongue and in the back of my throat. His closed eyes gave me a break from his incessant staring. I never know just what to say. I closed the gap and held him down and we didn't get up until high noon. 

 

- 

 

Stars lightly twinkled in the sky and the full moon was slowly rising as darkness covered the once light blue sky. My hand was strongly wrapped in Phil's. The atmosphere was serene. Fairy lights wrapped around the trees spaced around the beautiful plaza. It wasn't very special but I wanted this moment to last forever.

 

The shopping bags in my hands were weighing down on me though and I ached to sit down. "I want to rest for a little bit," I whined. Phil faked an irritated expression but sat down next me anyways. "We've barely walked anything!" 

 

"I know but this is such a comfy spot" I answered. There was lounge chairs with pillows and a lit fireplace surrounded with stones and a glass screen. The sun was just high enough to cast sharp shadows. I leaned my head back and sank into the soft lounge chair and let my hand be held by Phil's who was lounging next to me. "You got a lot of cute shirts, Dan," he said pulling them one by one. "I almost wish you buy some cute panties to go along with them." My face flushed red and I reached over to swat his hand. He dodged it and clasped it with his. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" Phil giggled sweetly. 

 

"Sort of-" Phil began. 

 

"Dan?" 

 

A voice I would recognize anywhere. I immediately dropped Phil's hand and avoided his eyes. Sure enough, Oliver, the biggest gossip around walked over to us with mock surprise on his face. He made this weird noise between a chuckle and a scoff. "Oh my god, I never thought I'd see you here!" 

 

"Hello, Oliver." 

 

"Well, what do we have here? Hanging with the new money, huh?"  

 

"Whats it to you?" 

 

He ignored my question and peered over to Phil and undressed him with his eyes. A flaming heat bubbled in my stomach. Was he checking Phil out? I huffed softly in disapproval but kept it to myself. "Hm, interesting," Oliver finally said after eyeing the both of us. Phil still hadn't said a word but I felt his body tense.

 

"Heard there was another formal happening. Something about finding a wife...for the second time? Looks like you're already busy though. Nice seeing you Dan." Oliver walked away with a knowing look on his face. My teeth clenched and ground in anger. Hot tears prickled the edge of my waterline but I didn't let them fall. Phil's comforting hand rested heavily on my shoulder. "Hey, Dan. Why're you mad? It's fine he's gone." 

 

I turned to look at his soft baby blue eyes twinkling as the sunlight faded away and my heart dropped. I didn't deserve him. He was way too good for me. The hot tears that had accumulated finally ran down my cheeks and a sob wrenched in my chest. Phil wrapped me in his strong arms and rocked me slightly. I started babbling into his chest. 

 

"It's useless, you know? It's useless trying to be together because it will never work out! We're both expected to marry someone else, for God's sake!" I paused to let out another wave of sobs but Phil didn't relent. I took his silence as a cue to continue talking. "I really, really like you, Phil. Like way too much for it to be healthy. I... love you." I stopped crying and looked at Phil for his reaction but his expression was blank. The crackling of the fire was the only thing you could hear. 

 

I subtly tried to push away from his embrace but his arms only tightened around me. "I just think we should forget about our feelings for each other. I don't want to get hurt anymore, I don't want us to get hurt." 

 

"No-" Phil started. 

 

"I can't even hold your hand in public! We could never be a normal couple. I can never be what you need. I don't deserve you now or ever."  My crying was uncontrollable by this point. The front of Phil's shirt was soaked. 

 

"Look at me." He lifted my head. "I will never leave you, no matter what that pretty little head of yours thinks. You are worthy, you are beautiful, you are loved, you are capable, you are strong, and most of all, I just want you to be mine. That's all I ask. We'll figure this out, I swear it, Dan. Even if we have to move to California, we'll be alright as long as we have each other." His thumb swept over my bottom lip and he gave me soft kisses all over my face. And I didn't care. 

 

Because I believed him. We were gonna be alright.


	18. the planning

The record played softly hummed the song from the already scratchy sounding vinyl I had bought for Phil. His cool hands ran up and down my spine, around my stomach, stopped at my hipbones while his hot lips trailed over the crevices of my neck with my head thrown back in ecstasy. A small whimper escaped my lips when his hands ran underneath my shirt and ghosted over my nipples. I frustratedly groaned and tried to push him away. Phil had been teasing me non-stop for the past week but there was no action. We hadn't done anything intimate since that time weeks ago when I embarrassingly found him on the website. I was getting desperate and Phil knew it but he loved to see me beg. 

 

"Stop being an asshole," I whined.

 

His dark laugh made shivers travel up my spine. "What am I doing?" Phill nibbled my ear. His hot breath fanned over my neck.

 

"Teasing me!" 

 

"Who's teasing?" 

 

"You are!" 

 

"How so?" Phil whispered into my ear. 

 

"Like that! Getting me all high and dry but we never...you know." I've never been bothered talking about sex but with Phil, it was way more intimidating. 

 

"No, I don't know." 

 

"Sex! You always tease but we rarely go to third base." 

 

"I'm waiting." 

 

"For what?!" 

 

Phil turned away from me and sighed deeply. His thumb absent-mindedly rubbed the back of my hand. I squeezed his hand gently. 

 

"You know I'm only kidding. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," I whispered. Phil ran his fingers through his hair aggressively, a nervous tick I had learned to pick up on.

 

"See, I want to! Trust me I want to so bad," he growled into my ear and my hairs stood up on end, "but I can't. Not until we have our little ordeal figured out." I nodded. Though we had promised each other that we would try to stay together no matter what, we didn't exactly know how to do that.  

 

"I'm supposed to choose a woman to love next week," I whispered. 

 

A thoughtful look came over Phil's face and it quickly turned angry. "No, you don't. You and I both don't have to do anything. We said we'd do anything to be together right?" I nodded, I would do anything. "Well, I don't know about you but I'm pretty sick of having to keep my sexuality and my boyfriend a secret." My breath caught at 'boyfriend'. "What'll they do if we do come out? Kick us out? That's fine by me." 

 

I hesitated. "That sounds wonderful Phil but I don't know how I'd make money. I have no special talents, I hate law and my reputation will be permanently ruined if I leave. I was born with a golden spoon in my mouth." 

 

Phil smiled mysteriously. "That's where I come in. My family wasn't always wealthy, you know. There were times where we barely scraped enough money to eat. Well, when my grandfather died, his will stated he had left my father enough money so we could live on it until he died and for generations after us to live us as well. They were never close so it was a bit of a surprise for all of us. Those hard times always stuck with me and when I realized I didn't want to live dependant on my parents anymore, I started collecting money and put it into a bank account for myself. I somehow knew I would need it." 

 

"Phil, no. Please, don't waste it on this," I pleaded. 

 

"Why? Is it because you think we won't be together long?" A mixture of disappointment, sadness, and maybe a little anger lingered in expression. "Because you're wrong, I plan on making this work. I knew I would need that money for one thing or another someday and something's telling that this is the time." Phil sounded even more determined now than ever before. 

 

"No, it's not that I don't want to go with you. It's just...are you really sure you want to throw away everything, for me? A lonely, horny, asshole?"

 

"100%. You're worth every penny, believe it or not." I shook my head in disbelief. Phil never failed to surprise me. I wanted to say 'yes' and live out our fantasy world where nobody told us anything and we could be together. If he was so set on making this work, I knew I would try my best as well. 

 

"Okay, smartass. I want to do it. You'll have to tell me how you'll pull it off first." 

 

Phil devilishly smirked and helped me get up. "Come on, I need to talk to someone." 

 

- 

 

"No." 

 

"But why not?!" 

 

"What is it with you Lester's? Always taking but never giving. I said no." 

 

"Reyna this is more important than you think." 

 

"What good is it to me?" Reyna was a whole new character when she wasn't acting hopelessly lovesick. She looked almost fierce. I had a newfound respect for her. 

 

Phil pouted and thought for a minute. He was trying to convince Reyna to help us. I  had no idea what he had in my mind but I went along with it. 

 

"Knowing you helped a good friend?" Phil suggested. 

 

"Hm, that's nice. Not for me, though." Reyna put out the cigarette in her hand and stood up from the velvety red armchair. She made it look classy. "What's this about anyway?6" she questioned, raising her thick, arched eyebrow. 

 

Phil looked at me for approval and I nodded. " Dan and I...we're leaving." 

 

"Oh?" This time both of her eyebrows went up in apparent mock-surprise. "What's that got to do with me?" 

 

"Well, I need you to do something. I want this to be as dramatic as possible, just so they'll remember. I've always had a flair for the dramatic." Reyna scoffed but said nothing. Now he turned to me. "I want to speak to her in private, please." 

 

I furrowed my eyebrows. He didn't tell me about this, whatever he's up to...I'll trust him. I swiftly left and left those two alone. 

 

- 

 

"Hope you've packed half of your bags already." 

 

I jumped and held a hand to my chest. He giggled excitedly and hugged me from behind. "The party's in two days, we're leaving right after." He gave me an innocent look. 

 

My face dropped. We definitely had not gone over this. "Oh, I didn't realize we were leaving so early." My mood dipped considerably. I needed to say my goodbyes now, not that there were many people I had in my life but a few childhood friends and of course, my parents. I wanted to write a letter as well. My parents deserve to know where I'm going even if I don't know. 

 

I furrowed my eyebrows and I was sure my lips were pressed tightly. Phil was barely telling me this and he hadn't told me anything about his 'plan'. "I think we need to go through this more Phil. What exactly are we doing?" 

 

He sighed and jutted out his bottom lip, making my heart swell. "I want it to be a surprise but you have to trust me, nobodies getting hurt and it sure as hell is going to be dramatic." I huffed, it wasn't the answer I was looking for but it satisfied me for the time being. 

 

"Have you packed yet?" Phil smiled cryptically and nodded. 

 

"I'm always prepared. Blame my paranoia." 

 

"What're we even leaving in and where?" 

 

"I was personally thinking New York. It's big, fast, rich, not anything you're not accustomed too." He winked suggestively. My face flushed. 

 

"Okay, New York it is then. I have a secret penthouse there if it's any help, we could live there," I said. I had property in California, Las Vegas, Greece, Japan, France, and Ireland. Despite living with my parents, I did make my own money sometimes by putting my law degree to use. One way or another. I'm not sure how I would help Phil pay for much since my reputations going to be flying out the window. 

 

He nodded. "Perfect. We can take my family's private jet. They most likely won't notice since they barely use it but we can get off near there and take a taxi cab." We both nodded in mutual agreement. "Should I pack light do you think?" 

 

"If you want, we can always buy new wardrobes once we get there." Phil was typing away on his computer he had let at my house and was already on the phone dialing numbers. I needed to call the temporary staff I kept over at my penthouse so it could be ready for both of us. It was going to be a busy night. 

 

This is really going to happen. We're leaving and I couldn't be happier because I could finally be someone I wanted to be with. I sat down with my own laptop and started writing my letter to my parents. 


	19. once upon a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty hefty chapter so I included a glossary of terms you might not know. Terms will be marked with an asterisk (*) no major triggers enjoy !!
> 
> beluga caviar - most expensive caviar at $34,000 US dollars, illegal in the USA
> 
> Kobe beef - marbled beef from Japanese cattle fed on strict diets, $300 US dollars per pound
> 
> Birds Nest Soup - Edible bird's nests are bird nests created by edible-nest swiftlets using solidified saliva, which are harvested for human consumption
> 
> Waltz of the Flowers - popular waltz composed by Tchaikovsky, recognized by its tune
> 
> Blue Danube - most popular waltz by Johann Strauss II 
> 
> crescendo - when music elevates in volume and intensity 
> 
> decrescendo - decreased volume and intensity
> 
>  swan lake,  the second waltz - waltzes
> 
> 3/4 time - common beat for waltzes, kind of like a 1-2-3 rhythm
> 
> **The last portion of lyrics are from Lana del Rey's version of this waltz called 'Once upon a Dream' i was going off of her version but included the orchestra one for the sake of authenticity

The day had started off calmly. Phil came over for breakfast and we both sat on my bed, smiling at each other through cereal-filled mouths. It reminded me of the earlier days of our relationship when he would secretly come into my room at night (and sometimes during the day) and we would share quiet moments in each other's company. The stress didn't kick in until later when George knocked on my bedroom door to wake me up and remind about the party, even though I had already been awake with Phil for hours. 

 

Phil left before the sun had even hinted at rising through muffled goodbyes, sheets between us and sloppy kisses on both of our faces, anywhere but our lips. My face pressed against the pillow that Phil had laid on and I breathed in the scent. Today, once the most dreaded day, was a day of rejoicing.  The sparrows chirping outside my window and the filtered sunlight streaming in encouraged me to finally pull off my sheets and get up. The cold wooden floors creaked at the slow change of temperature that came with the rising temperature. I put on the silk pajama bottoms that lay crumpled on the floor from last night. I smiled at the memory.

 

I had spent all day with my parents. Saying my goodbyes without them even knowing was painful, to say the least. We had gone to my father's golf course to play a game of 18 holes. I, of course, true to the cliche, actually liked playing golf, especially with my father. We didn't say much but we mutually agreed to not talk much unless it was about the game. We were both okay with it, happy even. My mother stayed back at the country club to catch a few drinks with friends she hadn't seen in awhile. We then met up afterward to go eat at our favorite French restaurant. It was warm and nostalgic and made me the tiniest bit melancholy. Most of the time we couldn't even stand to be in the same room as one another but these rare days were the ones I was going to miss the most. 

 

I hadn't seen Phil all day but it was okay because I knew soon I would see him every time I woke up and at night when I closed my eyes. The thought was bittersweet. I wish it didn't have to be. 

 

Phil came in through the door he had come in so many times before but this was the last time. We giggled up the stairs, down the hallway, and landed on my bed. We didn't have sex. It was like a sleepover in the most innocent sense. Movies, popcorn, giggles, and stupid secrets we didn't even know we had. 

 

The ending credits had started rolling when I felt Phil's head loll against my shoulder, saliva already creeping out the side of his mouth. It was grossly adorable. I had carefully tried to get him off of me so I could get ready for bed but his arms instantly snapped around my waist and he pulled me in closer. I sighed and accepted defeat.

 

"Dan?" Phil caught my attention with his small, whispering voice. "Hm?" 

 

"I'm really happy with you, I hope you know that." 

 

I gulped down the cutting tears in my throat. It felt like knives lodged right in my windpipe, the tears had not gone and I couldn't breathe. All my doubts about leaving were clearing away with a simple sentence from Phil. I spent several moments recollecting myself and wiping away at my eyes. 

 

"I love you too."

 

- 

 

To say this party was much more extravagant than the last one was an understatement. My parents really went all out on this and guilt crept back into my system. The most lavish foods and items lay on beautiful tables and the room was softly lit by chandeliers everywhere you could imagine. There was a whole orchestra instead of the small string quartet from the last time. All situated in an elevated stage with risers made for the party alone I suppose. When did they build that? 

 

The food was luxurious. Beluga caviar* served with small slices of toasted French bread for appetizers, real Kobe beef* grilled to perfection with buttered lobster, freshly caught, as entree's, paired with the smoothest red wine you could ask for, along with Bird's Nest soup* and vanilla bean cake topped with fruit caviar. 

 

Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers*, arranged for orchestra, softly played in the background and the clink of dinnerware sounded all around the room. I stuffed my face with the cake to keep myself from staring at Phil so much. He looked absolutely stunning with a midnight blue suit on. It complimented his periwinkle eyes so well. I was entranced just like the first time I saw him not so long ago.

 

The table was large enough for my family and the Lester family plus one. While Phil and I had been having fun behind our families back's, our families had become friends of sorts, which is why we're sharing tables. My father sucked on the fat cigar hanging from his mouth and talked politics with Mr. Lester. Mother was noticeably more laidback than other days, she looked almost young excitedly chattering with Mrs. Lester. Reyna just looked uninterested while swirling the olive in her martini with the straw. 

 

Phil and I were in completely different worlds though. I kept stealing glances at him and him at me. We chuckled at unspoken jokes, tried to reach each other's feet from across the table, smiled softly at each other after one of us makes a corny joke once in awhile. It was needless to say Reyna was not amused at us and raised her glass of wine more frequently than the rest of the table. Phil eventually had to shoo the waiters that were constantly making rounds at our table.

 

Phil and I quieted down for the rest of dinner, only sneaking glances at each other once in a while. "I'd like to make yet another toast, to Daniel. I couldn't have asked for a better son." My father smiled proudly and clinked his glass with mine. I smiled tightly but my stomach churned. I glanced at Phil and my nerves were once again at bay when his soft blue eyes met mine. Phil raised his glass, not only in agreement with my father but to reassure me. 

 

All eyes were on us. I looked away from Phil and to my parents. I bowed respectfully and walked over to the woman my parents so kindly picked for the first dance of the night. Gentlemen took their lady by the hand lined up around the edges of the dancefloor and patiently waited for the orchestra to start. The hand in mine was sweaty, the girl was nervous, I could tell. I smiled amiably to break the ice and she blushed a crimson red. I then searched for Phil amongst those dancing and he was across the room, right corner, holding Reyna's hand. 

 

I wanted to catch his attention but Blue Danube* started playing and I was forced to talk to my partner again. I bowed and she curtsied. The trumpets, tubas, and french horns softly played out their long notes while people positioned themselves evenly across the dancefloor. Violins were quick to come in, followed by cellos and woodwinds. They harmoniously blended their distinct sound together in crescendo* and then decrescendo*. I took my partner by the hand and moved her to the rhythm of the song. 

 

"My name is Dan by the way if for some strange reason you didn't know that." She nodded shyly and said, "Carrie. A pleasure." I grinned and twirled her around and around, my hand gently grabbing circling her delicate waist while hers firmly gripped my shoulder over my arm. I was weirdly enjoying myself. I tried to not focus much on the party itself but the music. The orchestra was playing it extremely well but it did get monotonous to dance around in the same pattern again and again. The song was long but before I knew it was over. Everybody bowed respectively and separated but not before those who were sitting erupted in applause. 

 

I was now stuck with another woman and soon the night had become just that. Dance after dance, song after song, woman after woman. Any waltz you could name, I danced to. Swan Lake,  the Second Waltz,*etc. At some point, I started searching for Phil. He always managed to stay close by, much to Reyna's annoyance. We'd bump into each other "accidentally." Every time I swirled, we made eye contact to only be broken once I was moved away. With every turn, he was in the corner of my eye and me in his; it felt like a movie. I was too caught up in the moment to notice a whole choir move behind the orchestra or to see the risers being slowly lifted up by peculiar men. I only saw them when my partner gently pointed it out to me. 

 

I was pretty sure my parents had no business having a choir at a party. "I'm sorry miss, I'll have to skip this next dance. I'm awfully thirsty." I smiled apologetically and broke away to converse with my parents about the sudden choir but before I could even reach the tables, a cold hand clasped mine. "Where are you going? The best dance is next!" Phil was sweaty but he still managed to look even more attractive and masculine. "Well I wanted to take a small break, I've been dancing nonstop." Phil didn't listen to me though and continued to grab me by the sleeve back with my previous partner. She smiled and took me by the hand but she turned around to look at the Phil and they shared a knowing look. What the hell was happening?

 

This song was different. I couldn't quite pinpoint why though. There was a lead violinist, orchestra, and choir. What made this song so special? A whirlwind of rhapsodic melody started up in a normal waltz, 3/4 time*. It was Ballet Suite, opp. 66, otherwise known as the Sleeping Beauty Waltz. 

 

"Do you like this song?" asked my partner with a wide smile. 

 

"Adore it," I answered. 

 

"Someone really loves you, I hope you're happy tonight." She let go of my shoulder and gently pushed me away. What the hell was happening? At this point, people have started to stare but they continued dancing around me like I wasn't there. Cold hands wrapped around my waist formally and swept me off my feet. It was Phil. 

 

"Phil, what the fuck is going on?" I whispered. "Is this part of your plan?" He didn't say a word but looked down at me with twinkling eyes and proceeded to turn with the music just any other couple here. Now people were really staring, and again, nobody stopped. I was not experienced at being led in a dance but I soon caught the gist of it. I caught the look on my mother's face and she looked horrified. I chuckled and pulled Phil even closer. I started to not mind the attention and instead focused on the choir's words. 

 

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem

 

"I spent weeks listening to this song and I kept thinking of you no matter how hard I tried not too," Phil softly whispered in my ear and left a subtle kiss on my cheekbone. 

 

"It's very pretty, I never could resist Tchaichovsky." 

 

"Nerd." 

 

"Shut up," I giggled out. I closed my eyes and softly hummed along with Phil. 

 

But if I know you, I know what you'll do

 

You'll love me at once

 

The way you did once upon a dream**


	20. epilogue

Needless to say, the Howells nor the Lester's enjoyed our stunt and as soon as the song ended we booked it out the door, into a car, and flew ourselves to New York in no time. All in all, our trip lasted three weeks. Nonetheless, they were weeks of unadulterated sex, tourist attractions, exquisite food, endless time with Dan, and the occasional drugs. Dan would occasionally express his worry for how his parents were holding up but I'd be right by his side to calm him down and make sure he was having a good time. 

 

New York City was the perfect place for us. Dan's penthouse wasn't so bad, in fact, it had views of the Empire State building. I was really starting to envision us having a life here, maybe someday have kids. We would both get jobs, Dan at a law firm and I'd probably work for Wall Street considering my connections. We'd dine in only the finest of restaurants and come back home to snuggle under a blanket while we took in the view from the bedroom. It wouldn't be so bad after all.

 

I knew it was too far-fetched, as soon, our plans were going to change once again. We were sipping cocktails in the jacuzzi on our rooftop lounge when Dan's phone rang. 

 

"Don't pick up, c'mon this our time," I whispered and nibbled at Dan's ear. He picked it up anyways. I huffed and kicked my feet in the water. 

 

"Hello?" 

 

Water jetted out against my back like a massage and I leaned further back on them and closed my eyes. My neck was craned towards the star-less sky. Seeing the stars was what I missed most from our homes in Britain. Hell of a lot less light pollution in quaint ol' England. Aside from the hustle and bustle of the street below us, it was silent. I glanced at Dan to see if the conversation had ended but his face was paler than my ass. I nudged him but he only held up a finger to me while he still clutched his phone tightly to his ear. 

 

"I- yeah? Oh. I-I don't know what to say? I'll have to think about it, Mum." My eyebrows raised all the way to my hairline at 'Mum'. "Th-Okay, yeah, yes. I'll let you know. Thank you. I love you too." The call ended but Dan sat motionlessly and let the hand holding his phone slowly drop. "That was my Mum," he expressed blankly. 

 

"Yeah, I figured! What did she say?!" I exclaimed and shook his arm. 

 

"She wants us to come back." His voice was void of emotion.

 

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "Isn't it?"

 

He nodded. his mouth opened and closed like a fish looking for breath.

 

"I just thought...that they would never want to see me again. It's surprising to say the least."

 

I shook his arm excitedly once more before I stepped out of the hot water and dried off with a towel. "When are we going back then?"

 

Dan stared after me dumbfounded. "Wait, wait, wait, we still need to think about this."

 

"What is there to talk about? We both ran away because we thought we weren't welcome but now they're telling you they do miss you and you have to think about it!? I want to see my family, Dan." the trowel storms my waist was slipping.

 

"What about your parents? Are they okay...with this?"

 

"Don't worry about them. I'm almost 28, frankly, they shouldn't give a rats ass. I did talk to them though, they understood it is my life."

 

"I don't know if I... after a few weeks of just us two together, alone, with nothing to worry about...I like it."

 

"Dan, I left family behind too. Just because they're semi-okay with it doesn't mean I don't miss them."

 

Wet droplets of water trailed behind inside the house and Dan trailed behind me too. "Look, what we have here is good but I miss England and I miss my family.  They're willing to let you back in their lives."

 

Dan nodded, listening to me intently.

 

"I think we should go back for now and maybe down the road we come back for good."

 

"You're right. I'm sorry, I'm being selfish."

 

I shook my head and slipped on some underwear. "No you're not, I know how you feel. Come here." I embraced Dan with head underneath mine and I softly kissed his forehead. One thing was certain, I loved this man as much as a human was capable of loving. No matter where we ended up, I knew we would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t forget the original of this work is posted on my wattpad @ SOFTDECAY 
> 
> leave kudos, hope you enjoyed!


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